Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Latest Adult, dirty, Non Veg SMS messages & Jokes

How to irritate an archeologist? Show him a used whisper and ask him which period it belongs to.

What's similarity between garden and breast? Both are made for kids but mostly used by adults.

In a lift, man elbow accidently touched lady's breast.
Man: if your heart is soft as your breast you will forgive me.
Lady: if you sex organ is hard as your elbow I am in room 207.

Angry husband sent sms to father-in-law. Your product not matching my requirements.
smart father-in-law: warranty expired manufactured not response.

T-shirt quotes: now more tastier and healthier, handle with care, tasted by experts, shake well before use, can make boneless thing hard, no one can use just once.

Man looked his naked body in the mirror says to wife-look 75 kg of pure dynamite. Wife says: but shame on the 5 cm fuse.

A nigro man attended a night party without dress. The man thought he was in black suit and told your suit is nice, but tie is in the wrong place.

A girl saw a man full of tattoo. Nike on his arms, Reebok on his legs, she was shocked when saw aids in his sex organ. He said: relax when it enlarges, it becomes Adidas.

T-shirt quotes: in front-I am virgin. At back: this is my old t-shirt.

Girl told to tire mechanize have sex with me. Mechanic told, ok. Come to swimming pool. She asked why? He replied because I can identify the hole only in water.

A British man sees front side of girl t-shirt that reads: handle with care. Next day the British man wears jeans pant and writes candle with hair.

Why girls are called babes?
Answer: because they wear nappy pads even when they are grownups.

Lady: why is your husband so punctual in returning home from office?
Lady2: I have made a simple rule. Sex will be started at 9pm sharp, whether you are hear or not.

T-shirt quotes of girls. Touch here if you dare, more enjoyment per liter, weapons of mass destruction, looking free touching costs, sure for pure milk, for sale.

A man lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his dick. A woman passing by remarks: if you were any sort of a gentle man, you would lift your hat to a lady. He replied: if you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself.

A drunken says while kissing his girlfriend: darling your lips are very salty.
Girl: stupid stand up.

Why do girls carry milk to give their husband during first night, because they need lots of curd from husband in return.

A guy takes a girl to his room, throws down his paints and says. Meet my little brother. Girls pick up her bag on the way out says call me when he grows up.

A sexy and attractive female employee meets her boss and says sir will you remove something from my breast?
Boss: what?
Girl: your eyes.

Teacher: who's the big person, you or your dad?
Kid: me of course.
Teacher: why.
Kid: I stopped drinking milk from my mom, dad hasn't.

Nurse lost her cat in hospital, anyone have female sex organ All women stood up. I mean anyone seen a female sex organ? All men stood up, I mean anyone seen my sex organ, all doctor stood up.

Research shows men are fat than Women because every night men gets fresh milk and two big apples while women only gets one banana two nuts and one spoon curd.

All eggs in women decided to fight against sperm. They waited with guns in the sex organ. That night no one came, suddenly one shouted guys attack is from backside.

Girls prayed to god why you don't make boy's sex organ more beautiful.
God: no way, though I made it ugly, you suck it; if I made it beautiful you will eat it.

Do you know why a girl gets full mark and boys get fail in practical? It's when they both remove their 1st button of shirt in front of external.

There are two things men really like women to do in hurry. Dress and undress.

Officer: madam swimming is prohibited in this lake.
Lady: then why dint you tell me when I was removing my clothes?
Officer: well, that's not prohibited.

Boy: if I kiss you and run away then what will you think?
Girl: I will think that a fool instead of attending the full paper just attended the one mark alone and failed.

Teacher: explain responsibility.
Student: mam your blouse has four buttons, if three buttons break down the entire responsibility will be on the fourth one.

Advertisement by Panty Company: we are not the best in the world but we are closest to the best thing in the world.

A note in the sex magazines shop: please hold the magazines with both hands while reading.

Why do women put red lipstick on their mouth? To inform men stop this is not right hole.

Teacher: why cow looks tensed after giving milk? Student: madam, if some one presses your breast for I hours and don't uck, how do you feel.

A boy and animal went to river to take a bath. As he removed his clothes all animal laughed at him.
He asked: why are you laughing at me?
Animals: your tails in front.
p>Girl: what do you like in me?
Boy: those two balls having black dots in center.
Girl: you rascal are you with me for that?
Boy: yes, I like your eyes.

Who's guilty? Wife dreaming in the night suddenly shouts "quickly my husband is back" man get up, jumps out of the window and realizes, dammit I am the husband.

Customer: my wife needs a bra but I don't know the size. Salesgirl: touch my breast and try to calculate. Customer: oh I forget he needs panties too.

Misuse of English: a diagram in a book was not clear. So teacher drew the diagram on the blackboard and announced. Don't look at the book figure, look at my figure.

Husband and wife are like two tyres of a vehicle. Even if one punctures, the vehicle can't move further. So intelligent people always keep stepney.

Boy saw a lady with big breast.
He asked her: can I bite them for $1000?
She says: ok they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse.
The boy kisses, licks, puts his face in them, presses them hared for 10 minutes
Lady asks: aren't you gonna bite them?
He replies: no, it's too costly.

A guy picked up for a date. Guy: why are you wearing your belt around your knee? Girl: I promised my mom that I wouldn't let you touch me below my belt.

Who is senior's female sex organ or male sex organ? Answer: female sex organ because male sex organ always stands up when he sees a female sex organ, so respects the seniors.

A college girl was in jeans pant and zip was open. Boy went and told miss please close your taj mahal door here my quthubminar is dancing.

What's common between sun and a women's underwear? Both are hot, both look good while going down, both disappear by night.

One man married lady traffic police. Friend asks how your 1st night was. She collected Rs.100 from me for over speed, Rs.200 for wrong side entry, Rs.500 for no helmet.

Do you know why girls wear a shawl on top of their churidar, because it's Indian tradition to cover all eating and dirking things when not in use.

Completing engineering is like a girl pregnant everyone will appreciate the outcome, but no one knows how many attempts were made.

Kid by chance enters into parent's bedroom and is shocked at what he sees. He shouts at his mom and you scold me for just sucking the thumb.

Midnight hot: After 1st night. Husband: dear what do you think about our first night? Wife: darling 5% pain, 5% enjoyment and 90% old memories.

Contest in a girl's college: write a short essay which contains religion, sex and mystery. Winners essay: oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it.

A boy wanted to have sex with girl friend ashamed of his small sex organ decided to bring girl friend in dark place opened his zip and put his sex organ on girl friend hands.
Girl friend: No thanks, I don't smoke.

A guy and girl had sex poem competition.
Guy: two times two is four, hour plus five is nine, I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine.
Girl: two times two is four, hour plus five is nine, I know the length of yours but you will never know the depth of mine.

Boy: aunty why was uncle lying on you last night? Aunty: he was checking my temperature. Boy: did he get it right? I saw the thermometer leaking.

What is meant by burning desire while making sex? It's when you discover that the Vaseline you applied before ucking in the dark was the tiger balm.

What is the difference between a cricketer and condom? A cricketer drops the catch and a condom catches the drops.

What's the similarity between school bell and girls hole? When you hit any of these, children come out.

Sardar: I divorced my wife on the first night.
Friend: why?
Sardar: I saw the label on her panties "tested ok"

What is sex? Its science with wife, its art with girlfriend, its commerce with prostitute and its social service with aunties.

Who is a true music lover? Ans: a girl is singing in a bathroom while taking bath and a boy near the keyhole is using his ears and not his eyes.

Man with no sex organ used a vibrator for years one day wife caught and asked: how dare you cheat me? Man: I will explain about the toy, can you explain about kids.

How to tell your girlfriend if you are going to urine during dinner? Dear, I've to shake hands with a close friend whom I am going to introduce you later.

Dad brought a robot which slaps a person who lies.
Dad: son, where were you?
Son: School, robot slap. Son: film.
Dad- which one?
Son: sai baba, robot slap again. Son: "A" film
Dad: what? I have not seen such films, robot slaps dad.
Mom: forgive him dear after all he is your son, robot slaps mom.

A few quotes on girls t-shirt:
there s a face above this, don't forget.
Object here appear bigger than they are.
I made you look at it.
F ck all that is missing is u.
Don't try to find sun here, its not mountain. This one is really tough for Edmund Hillary.

An innocent man watching blue film for the first time after marriage and see his own wife in it.

A guy and girl had sex poem competition.
Guy: two times two is four, hour plus five is nine, I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine.
Girl: two times two is four, hour plus five is nine, I know the length of yours but you will never know the depth of mine.

Boy: aunty why was uncle lying on you last night?
Aunty: he was checking my temperature.
Boy: did he get it right? I saw the thermometer leaking.

Prof: to keep your character good, think every woman as your mother.
Student: but thinking every woman as my mother will make my fathers character bad.

Girl: my right leg is lunch and left leg is dinner, what you will like to have?
Boy: I would like to have snacks between lunch and dinner.

A maths professor sent a sms to his wife. Dear you are now 54 years old and unable to satisfy me. Now I am with my 18 years old female student so I will be late tonight.
Wife replied: dear you're also 54 years and unable to satisfy me. Now I am with our driver who is also 18 years. As you are mathematicians you know very well that 18 goes into 54 many times more than 54 goes into 18 so don't come tonight.

Sardar was very angry because all jokes were about him; he asked his wife, tell me one joke without my involvement. His wife said: I am pregnant.

Wife: remove my nighty.
Sardar: ok
Wife: remove my bra
Sardar: ok
Wife: remove my panty
Sardar: ok
wife: never wear my dress again

Less noise: implementation of sex using while loop.
#include sex.h
#include bed.h
void pain ()
{
int sleep=0;
clothes=0;
voice=aah:
do ucking(); while (end1=pleasure);
get condom();
else
getchild();
}

Difference between good girl and bad girl. Good girl Open a few buttons in hot atmosphere, but bad girl open all button to make the atmosphere hot.

An innocent man watching blue film for the first time after marriage and see his own wife in it.

A couple having sex in bedroom asked son to stand in the balcony and keep telling them what's going on outside.
Son: john is buying fruits, Tina is playing and Michael uncle is ucking his wife.
Dad: what? Is he doing it openly?
Son: no, I haven't seen him but his son is also standing in the balcony.

Teacher: why did you laugh?
Boy: I saw one strap of your bra.
Teacher: get out of the class for 1 week.
Two boys laughed, Teacher: why did you laugh:
boys: I saw both straps. Teacher: get out for 1 month. She bent down to take chalk, jony started walking out.
Teacher: jony, why you are going out?
Jony: what I just saw I think my school days are over.

Friday, January 1, 2016

Your Are So Sweet SMS


Y  Ö  Ü
    Y
    Ö
    Ü
       Y
    Ö
 Ü
Ü  Ö  Y
 Ü
    Ö
       Y
    Ü
    Ö
    Y
        Ü
    Ö
Y
Y  Ö  Ü
           R
 SooooOOOOO
S W E E T.
Thankful to ALLAH
Every “Life” is written by ALLAH`s own hand
i m realy very
thankful to
ALLAH
that

when He wrote my life
He included U as a
You Are Sweeet n Nice FRIEND
You See U Heart
:LÖV`”V:,:V`”ÖVE:
:LÖ( “` )VÉ:
:LÖV:. .:ÖVÉ:
::LOVE:.v.:LOVE::
Did YÖU see the HEÄRT?
It is the place where i put SpEcial Friends
like u.!?
Your R So Sweet
U r full of HONEYConducting
a blood
test
on U
testing…
Testing
in
progress…
Result?
Sorry
HIV found..
H-HONEY
I-IN
V-VEINS
U r full of HONEY
NO DOUBT
U R SO SWeet.
U r Fill Of HoneyConducting
a blood
test
on U
testing…
Testing
in
progress…
Result?
Sorry
HIV found..
H-HONEY
I-IN
V-VEINS
U r full of HONEY
NO DOUBT
U R SO SWeet.

Urdu Adult Jokes




LUN ne 3 wja likh k arzi

LUN ne 3 wja likh k arzi di k meri salary barhai jaye
1-Aksar nite duty krta hon
2-aksar tang jaga duty lag jati hai
3-Duty wali jga py bot grmi hy
Intzamia ny arzi mustrad karty howy 3 wja btain

Condom Aur TUM Main kiya farq hai

Question: Condom Aur TUM Main kiya farq hai ???
Soch kar batao
Nai pata..?
Answer: Koi farq nahin, Dono Lun per charty hain..!!

Terms

Larki apni Marzi se de to Pyar
Dost Dilain to Uphaar
Ghar wale dilain to Sanskaar
aur hum apne aap le lain to Balatkaar

sindhi sex

A sindhi has sex every alternate day..
His friends ask why donot daily?
Sindhi replies..
“Warri baba ek din to condom sukhaney me lag hi jata he na

Ghus Gia Aadha (By: Shan fsd)

A man jumps into his bed n starts making luv,
woman in bed says – jijaji main apki biwi nahi saali radha hoon
man: ab kahe ki RADHA jab ghus gaya AADHA1

Siti (by: shan fsd)

girl MOM se jab main susu karte hun tu siti ki awaz ati hai par ap
ki nahi ati kiun?
MOM replies : baita siti tu maire b bajti the lekin tere bap ne baja baja
kar kharab kardi.

Load

Chairman wapda nay sex ka doran apni biwi sa pocha ,Bol na mari jaan tum ko kya gham hai ?Biwi boli, Sartaj load ziada our voltage kam hai

bhegi larki ka badan

Bhegi larki ka gela badan dekh k larka bola: Ap ki head light on ho gai ha
Larki: bil mera bap bhare ga tmhe kia
Larka: par bijli ka khamba to mera hil raha ha.

Fucking daughter

Daughter`s letter after marriage
“fine here mOM. HuSbanD FUCkinG me All TIMe -WhilE baTHInG COOkInG WAshInG IRonInG reAdiNG anD SorrY 4 ShakY HandwriTIng

Chota or patla lun

Ek larkay ka lun chota or ptla tha,islye wo apni lover ko andhre mai le gya or us k hat mai pakra diya to Lover boli: Darling u knw, I DONT SMOKE

Dalla….

Jin: Kya Hukum hai merey Aqa?
Boy: Mujhey Khobsurat larkian laker doo..
Jin: Bhanchod mei Jin hoon Dalla Nahin…
Boy: To Dalla kidhar hay…?
Jin: Wo is Waqt Sms perh raha hay….

Tendulkar

Tendulkar was fucking a girl,”Aaj tumhari pitch par bohat ghas hai.”
Gal “kia bat kartay ho aj tumhara karnai ka dil nahieen hai warna to abhi thori deer pehlay hi Shahid Afridi century Score kar K giya hai.”

Oscar Nominess for 4 best BP films

Oscar Nominees for 4 Best BP Films.
1)Hasina Ki Gaand Main Pasina.
2)Condom Apna Or Choot Parai.
3)Pappu Fauj Main Biwi Mauj Main.
4)Salma Pe Charh Gaya Balma

Punjab Police

Punjab Police di pehchaan:
Tidd aggay nu,
Bund pichay nu
Akhaan Laal,
Moun te Maa di Gaal
Topi bharwatteyan te,
Te huth saara din Tatteyan te.. !!!

Nikal gaya kya ?

Ye Honey Moon kya hota hai ?
Dabao aur jaan lo ….
H = Haye , Mat karo …
O = Oh… Na dabao …
N = Nipple dukhta hai….
E = Eetna Lamba ?
Y = Ye kitna kaala hai?
M = Marr gayiiiii
O = Or Daalo
O = Or Tez …
N = Nikal gaya kya ?

baaz na aaya.

Tez hawa ka jhonka aaya, saath main teri shulwar laya.
Tub maray dil main khiyal aaya, k aaj bi mera yar bund merwanay sa baaz na aaya.

Monday, July 20, 2015

Hindi / Urdu Adult SMS Jokes {New, Free & Funny}




Full Time Masti … Non stop fun

6 Inch ka hai.
.
Size normal he
.
.

Mazboot he

.
.
Ziyadah mota bhi nahin he
.
.
2 larkiyan dekh chuki hain
.
.
Lena he to bolo?
Full Time Masti
Non stop Fun
Mera…
.
LG KG 195

Usne utari saree…

Usne utari saree
fir aayi peticoat ki bari
blouse to pahle hi diya tha utar
ziyadah excited mat ho yaar
yeh tha kapray sukhane ka taar ….!

Nikal lena apna ATM

Insan jb pehli bar dalta hy to wo confuse hota hay
magar tum na ghabrana or dal dena
tum jese hi rakho ge wo khud andar chala jaye ga
phir thumein acha lagnay lagay ga
or
phir ajeeb ajeeb awazen ayen gi,
or phr jub tumhari money nikal jaye
to tum nikal lena apna ATM

Pehlay KISS karo, phir palang per litao

Pehle KISS karo,
phir PALANG per leta do,
phir CHADDI utar do,
phir NICHE haath lagao,
.
.
.
.
Aur check karo k
BABY ne SU SU to nahi kiya na

Maa Gaon mein Fauji aaye hain

Beti: Maa Gaon mein Fauji aaye hain
Maa: andar aaja inki niyat bahut kharab hoti hai
Beti: Maa fauji Pakistani hain
Maa: to bakri ko bhi andar le aa.

Larkion ko ezzat do

“Larkiyo Ko Ezzat Do
Q Ke Agr Aaj Tum Un Ko Ezzat Do Gay
To Kal Ko ho skta hai k
Wo B Tum Ko Apni Ezzat Day Den”…
(Professor Dr. Imran Hashmi)

Dil kerta hai tujhey kuttay k agay dal dun


Train mai aik husband apni wife say:
tujh say shadi ker k pachta raha hun
dil kerta hai tujhey kuttay k agay dal dun
samnay wala passenger:wao wao wao wao!!!




one girl asked to pappu

1 girl ask 2 pappu : woh kia hai jo cow k paas 4 or mere paas 2 hain?
pappu : legs
Girl : woh kia hai jo tumhari pant main hai aur meri pant mein nahi hai?
pappu: paisay
Girl : woh kia hai jo log din main karne k bajaye ko raat bistar pe kartay hain
pappu: neend puri karte hain
girl : woh kia hai jo larki pehli daffa karwate huye pain
ki wajah se roti hai?
pappu : kaan main ched
MORAL : aap bhi apni zehniat pappu ki tarhan saaf rakhain




Tujhey sub pata hai

Child:papa aunty ka pait kion phola hai?
Father:tujhey sub pata hai!
Child: nahin pata promise!
Father: in k pait main pani bhara hay
CHILD:Oh No! Bacha to doob jaye ga!

Biwi pani se bohat darti hai

Sardar : Yar meri biwi pani se bohat darti hai.
Friend : Acha wo kaise?
Sardar : Yar kal mein ghar gaya to wo bathtub
mai bhi security guard k sath bethi thi.!!

Itnay saray bachay aik sath

Teacher: Bacho batao k billi 1 sath itnay
saray bachay kaisay paida karti hay?
Kid: Miss agar aap road pay billi ki
tarah ghoomo to aap ko pata chal jayega…

Musharaf Reema ka haath pakar kar bola

Musharaf Reema ka haath pakar kar bola:
“Aao kamray mein chalain”
Reema; “Ki faida, wardi tey tu lani nai”

Larki aa rahi hay ya ja rahi hay

Girl to boy: Tum larkay kisi larki mei
sub se pehlay kia daikhte ho ?
Boy: Yeh tou depend karta hai k
larki aa rahi hay ya ja rahi hai …:p

Boy:chalo kisi sunsaan/viraan jagah chaltey hain!

Boy:chalo kisi sunsaan/viraan jagah chaltey hain!
Girl:tum aisi-waisi harkat to nahi karoge?
Boy:bilkul nahi!
Girl:to phir rehne do…

aaj tumhein akeiley mein….


aaj tumhein akeiley mein…
le ja kar…
apney hontoon se eik…
k…
ki…
kis..
kiss…
kissa sunaon bili aur chohey ka……….



pehlay hath mai lo, phir mun mai …

pahlay hat ma lo
phir mon mai lo
phir thook lagao
phir sidha karoo
phir sorakh ma daloo
uff..
kithna muskhil ha soi mai dagha dalna

Us nay kaha aur dabao

us ne kaha or dabao,
main dabaya,
us ne kaha or dabao,
main ne or dabaya,
us ne kaha baniyan nikal do phir dabao,
main ne phir dabaya,
us ne kaha pent bhi nikal do phir dabao,
main ne phir dabaya . . . Â
dekha ho gya na suit case band:)

Aik bar karo na plz…

Aik bar karo na plz..
kisi ko pata nahi chalega..
plz karo naaa……..
muje acha lage ga…
aik bar hamari dosti ki khatri
kar do na plzz…
aik pyara sa SMS!!!

Teri sula ke lu?


teri sula ke lu?
ya bitha ke lu?
ya tujhe karu khada
ya fir teri juka-jukake lu?
ab tu hi bata
ki mein teri…
photo kaise lu.


Urdu Funny SMS

Hello G

G,G
Acha G

Han G

Acha

Acha

Really

Na Oye

Phir

Sachi

Phir

Haan

Kaise

Acha G

Haan

Kia?

Oh Nahi G

Sorry Wrong Number..

=========================

Qayamat k din allah pak sub ko aik

paper dega k apne apne gunah lekho

sub likh rehe honge achanak aap ki

awaz ai ge ” supply plz”! :-) )

=========================

Kon kehta hai k Pakistan me job nai milti

Ye lo Jharu

\\\\|////
\\\|///
\\|//
\|/
|

Or shandar career ka aghaz karo.

=========================
Ek Zaruri Itla
Kabhi Kisi Larki Se Book Nahi Mangni Chahiye,

Nahi To Chaanta Bhi Lag Sakta Hai

Kyun K,

Book Means:

B= Baby
O= Only
O= One
K= Kiss;->

=======================

Ap lovely ho -94%

Ap Cute ho -95%

Ap Sweet ho -96%

Ap Beautiful ho -97%

Ap Stylish ho -98%

Ap Attractive ho -99%

or

Main phainknay mein Expert hun 100%.

=======================

Manzil kareeb dekh kar yun mutmaeen na ho FARAZ
,
,
,
,
,
,
Aksar Tatti nikal jati hay bathroom ke aas paas..

==========================

Dil Ke operation ko BYEPASS Q kahte hain????????

Socho Socho,

??????

Q Ke agar operation theek ho Gaya to PASS,Warna BYE :-)

==========================

Hum to tanhayon se tang akar dost banane nikle the FARAZ…

Dost bhi aise mile k aur tanha kargay.

==========================

Larki nahane gai kapre utare darwaza

baja boli=KON? Jawab aya=POSTMAN kapre

pehen k letter liya phir nahane gai kapre

utare darwaza baja boli=KON? Jawab aya=DHOBI

kapre pehen k dhobi se hisab kiya phir nahane

gai kapre utare darwaza baja phir boli=KON?

Jawab aya=PAPPU(parosan ka beta hay.ANDHA hay)

larki ne socha kya farq parta hay kapre nahi

pehenti aise he chali gai darwaza khola PAPPU

ne mithai di boli=kis khushi me PAPPU=meri

Ankhein theek hogayeen.

===========================

1 Pakistani dosre se:

Yaar kehte hain iss baar jung computer se lari jaye gi???

2nd: Haan! mizaile computer se control hotay hain na…

1st: Phir tau hum jang haar jain gay.

2nd: Woh kese???

1st: Yaar agar mizaile chalanay se pahlay hi bijli chali gai tau??? ;)

=======================

Makhlooq ko mat Tang kia kero
Once a Molvi went 2 Zardarii

&

Said !

“Makhlooq ko mat Tang kia kero Werna Allah ka Aazab ayega “

Zardari said!

Bholay Badshao ! Mein he wo Azaab hoon jo aa Chuka hai

===========================

BV se larayi khatam hoi?
1 dost: BV se larayi khatam hoi?

2nd dost: gutne taik k mere pass ai thi

1st: ussney gutne taik kay kia kaha?

2nd: yehi key bed k nichey se nikal aao khuch nahi kahongi

===========================

Murgi to anday deti hai.

Anday to sufaid hote hein.

Sufaid to dood bhi hota hai.

Dood to bhains deti hai.

Bhains to kali hoti hai.

Kala to bangali bhi hota hai.

Bangali to paan khaata hai.

Paan to laal hota hai.

Laal to gulaab bhi hota hai.

Gulab mein to Kaantein hote hein.

Kantein to machli mein bhi hote hein.

Machli to pani mein terti hai.

Pani mein to insan bhi tera hai.

Insan to lamba hota hai.

Lamba to mera ye Sms bhi hai.

Mujhe to deemagh khana tha.

Ha ha ha

=======================

Boy:Tum shadi k baad apnay liye alag ghar to nahi maango gi?

Girl:Aray nahi!! tum apni amma ko alag ghar dila dena

=======================

Bhikari: Baboo 10 Rs. ka sawal hai, chaay (Tea) peenee hai.

Aadmee: Lykin chaay tu 05 Rs. ki aati hai.

Bhikari (sharmatay hoay): Woh meri girl friend bhi saath hai.

========================

chooha Billi Se Darta Hai

Billi Kuttay Se Datrteee Hai

Kutta Aadmee Se Darta Hai

Aadmee
Biwi Se Darta Hai

Or
Biwi Choohay Se Dartee Hai

Hai Na Dunya Gol !!!!

=========================

Agar aap Gul Ahmad k kapray pehnay gay tu..

.

.
to

.

.
to

tu bichara Gul Ahmad kia pehnay ga?

============================

Girl Friend: Darling , Tum mere liye sitaray

tor kar la sakte ho?

Boy Friend: Mujhy koi amrood torne nahi deta

tum sitaaron ki baat karti ho..

=============================

Teri Sada ki Bay-rukhi ko mai aaj takbhula nhi paya…

Mubarak ho mubarak ho!!..Is shair me Faraz nhi aya

===============================

KFC New Prices

Piza @Rs.200
Chicken @Rs.150
Burger @Rs.100
Pepsi @Rs.50

Lakin ap phir b kuch kha nhi sakte Q K
ap k pas tou sms k liye b paisy nhi hote.

=======================

1 choohay ko agar 1 bille se love
ho jaye tou wo kon sa gaana gaey ga?
.
.
.
.

Very simple

Billo rani…

Kaho tou abhi jaan day doon.

==========================

Bhai log!

Ghajini dekhne k bad andaza hua k
apke bhi b Amir khan se kuch kam
nhi hai.

Mein b parhta hun,samjhta hun,

Phir 15 min bad sab bhool jata hun.

==========================

A dirty msg

1 cockroach hotel gya aur waiter sai kaha

1 plate bulghum 1 fry nak or nuzla

1 glass vomating shake le aao

But hath safeguard se dho laina plz

===========================

Boy: Suit to bohot acha pehna hai.

Girl: thanks

Boy: Lipstick bhi achi hai.

Girl: thanks

Boy: Makeup bhi bohot acha hai.

Girl: thanks

Boy: Lekin achi phir bhi nahi lag rahi ho.

=============================

1 Khusra Vote Mangte Hue
“Hamen Vote Do,
Mai Yakeen Dilata Hn Agar Mein Kamyab Hogya
To Phr Kisi K Haan Bhi Kaka Paida Hoa To
“Govt.”
Us K Ghar Muft Nachay Gi…

=============================

Ye lo aik rupey ka Coin aur mujhe Cute sa Sms

karo kanjoosi ki bhi koi had hoti hai

Aur khabar dar is aik rupey ki tofee khareedi to…

==============================

TV On karo….

Abhi abhi Government of Pakistan ne Ordinance jaari kiya hai

k

KhoobSoorat logon ko is mulk se nikal diya jaye ga

Aap to 100% save ho

.
.
.
Par mein kahan Jaaon??

============================

Patient: Mujhe beemari hai.
Na khaaon to Bhook lagti hai.
Na Soun oto Neend aati hai.
Aur ziyada kam kar loon to thak jata hoon.
Doctor: Saari raat dhoop mein baitho theek ho jao gay.

==============================


Ek dafa ek chuua ek haati key pinjrey main ghuss jata hai.

Woh haati ko dekh ta hai aur pooch ta hai,

“Bhai haati aap itney barrey ho, aap ki kya umar hai?”

Haati bolta hai: Main teen saal ka ho gaya hoon.

Tumhaari kiya umar hai chuuey?
Chuua sharma key kahta hai: Umar to meri

bhi teen saal hai lekin dar assal bachpan mein

meri sahat kharaab rahti thi.

============================

Cheel urri

Kawwa urraa

Maina urri

Chirria urri

Gadha urra

Oops..Sorry jaldi main aap ka b urra
dia

=========================

Ek tou tum shrmatey bohat ho

Ager baat krey koi tumse tou itraatey boht ho

Dil chahat hai koi sms na karon tum ko

Per suna hai tum sms parh k muskuratey boht ho…

=============================

Hain dafan mujh mein meri kitni raunaqen mat pouch Faraz!

Ujar ujar k jo basta raha wo shehr hoon main..!

==============================

__l""l l""l__
(______)(______)

Ye hain wo joote jo BUSH per barsay thy in ki

Qemat Caror Dollar lag chuki hai mager aap k liye free!!

=============================

Itni shiddat se maine larki patane ki kosish ki hai,

K her amma nai mujhy apni beti ka haath na dene ke saazish ke hai

Kehte hain aggar tum sache dil se larki patana chaho

Tou pori kayenat tumhare liye larki patane mein lag jati hai

Ye larki kay chakar bhi apni hindi films
ki tarah hote hain

End mai sub theek ho hi jata hai,

Aur agar sub thek na ho tou chakar khatam nhi hota

Kyn k uski choti behn abhi baqi hai mere dost…

==============================

Main teri Maa Hoti
Teacher: Main teri Maa Hoti Tou Main Tujhy

2 Din Main Sudhaar Deti …

Student: Madam, Kal Tak Main Apne Papa Sy

Mashwara Kar k Bata Doonga … ;->

======================

Duniya buri ho sakti hai aap nhi

Duniya bewafa ho sakti hai aap nhi

Duniya zalim ho sakti hai aap nhi

aur
aur
aur

Kuttay ki dum sedhi ho sakti hai ap
ke nhi..

=============================

Police officer 2 his son!

Tumhara result acha nhi aaya,

Aaj se tumhara khelna aur T.V dekhna
band

Son!Ye 50 rupay pakro aur is baat ko yaheen dabado

==========================

Jotay khane k tum he ustaad nhi ho ARBAB….

Suna hai is zamanay mei koi BUSH bhi hai…

==========================

Ek charsi ki bakri gum ho gai bohat talash kya magar nhi mili,

Sham ko ghar aaya tou bakri samne bandhi hui thi,

Ghuse mai aa kar bakri zibah kar di,

Khud bhi khai or doston ko bhi khilai,

Jab subha so kar utha tou dekha bari sahi salamat khari thi,

Aur kuta gayeb tha……

==========================

Zindagi mai kuch sapny saja lena,

Dil mai kuch arman jaga lena,

Hum aap ki raahon se her dard chura lenge,

Jab chaho hum se Disprin
mangwa lena….

======================

Breaking News on Geo TV.

Pakistan mai loadshedding khatam

:

:

:

:

:

Abhi itna hi suna tha k light chali
gae :-(

==========================

A dirty msg

1 cockroach hotel gaya or waiter se kaha
1 plate bulghum 1 fry nak or nuzla

1 glas vomating shak le aao but hath safeguard se dho lena plz.

==========================

Best Sms of 1947.
.

.


Tab Mobile tha kya?
Kabhie to thora dimagh ka istamaal kar liye karo!
Bas Sms parhne ki lagi rehti hai..

=============================

Shikwa hamein manzoor nhi…

Aaj na koi bahana hoga …

Aap ko hamari khushiyoun ki qasam…

Next saal aap ko Nahana hoga

=======================

Lafz lafz likhon teri tareef mai,

.

.

.

Lafz Lafz Lafz

Lafz Lafz Lafz

Lafz Lafz Lafz

Lafz Lafz Lafz

Kafi hain ya aur likhon?

===========================

1 indian ne 24 ghnte tk pani mai sans rok

kar rehne ka rcord qaim kya hai jinhe kal
.

.

.

Bad namaz e zuher mewa shah qabristan

mai dafnaya jaega..

===========================

Aajib Hai Nakhre Tere…
Aajib Tera Style Hai…
Naak Pochne Ki Tameez Nahi
Haathoo Main Mobile Hai

===========================
Zindagi mai kamiyab hony k do asool:

1- Kabhi kisi ko puri baat na batao.

2- ……!!!!

============================

Ques:Ghurbat ki intha kya hai?

Ans: Jb 1 larki 2 rupay mein kiss dene ko tayar ho









Aur aap k pass 1 rupay ho…!

=======================

Koi…

Galti

Ghhustakhi

Wagaira

Ho

Gai

Ho

Tou

Is

Akhri

Mahenay

Me

;

;

;

;

Mujh

se

Mafi maang lo

Q

k

;

Me aaj achay mood mai hoon

=========================

hockey aur cricket me kya fark hy ???

Hockey main Pakistan 1 ghantay main zalil hota hai

Jab ke

Cricket main 9 ghantay lag jate hain…

============================

Are utho…

Ye koi soney ka waqt hai?

Jab dekho sotey rehte ho?

Kya sari zindagi so so ke bitani hai?

Aur haan jaag jao to shor mat karna

Mein so raha hoon..

========================

Purani Kahawat hai ke,

Sonay ke time Tension ko saath le ker nahi sona chaiye.

Lekin phir bhi Log pata nahi kiu??

Apni Biwi ko apne saath le ker sotay hein.???

==========================

Ab Bush k bad Obama
zara sambhal k qadam rakhna iraq me obama
Bush ko pare hai jooty Tere tou utar denge pajama :-)

===========================

4 kam karo

1. Mobile switch off kro

2. Battery kholo

3. Sim nikalo

4. Mobile ko road pai dai maro

Jb koi msg hi nhi karna tou mobile
ki kya zarorat.

==========================

Plz mujhy 1 mis call do yahan light nhi hai

or mujhy mere cell mil nhi raha
.

.

.

Send it 2 ur frndz n check how intelligent dey r?

==========================

Girl’s college me strike thi,
Boys bhi unke saath the,
Ladkiyon ne naara lagaya.
“Hamaari Maange”
pichhe se awaaz aayi
“Sindhoor se bharo

=========================

Aik memon samander mein doob gaya,
Us ne dua ki YA ALLAH mujhe nikal de,
Me teri raah mein aik Chawal ki degh doon ga.

Aik lehar ne is ko bahar nikal diya,
Bahar aa kar bola: Konsi Degh?
Foran aik lehar aayi aur is ko wapas le gayi.

Memon bola: YA ALLAH mein ne to poocha tha Chicken Ya Beef?

=======================

Meri Prem kahani ka ajeeb ending tha

Wah Wah

Meri Prem kahani ka ajeeb ending tha

Izhar-e-Mohabat Sms se kiya tha,

Jo un ki Shaadi tak bhi Pending tha….!

Wah Wah

========================

Urdu bhi kaisi ajeeb zaban hai…!

Agar watch kharab ho jaye tou kehte hain k
“Band Hai…”

OR

Agar larki kharab ho tou kehte hain k

“Chalu Hai..”

=========================

Kal polio k qatray pilanay ka akhiri din hai
Is liaye aap bhi chalay jana
Q
K
.

.

.

.

Ap ki b teesri taang choti reh gai hai :-)

==========================

Arz kya hai

SmS doston ko itna kya k jeet gaye sms ki race,
Mobile bhi unka pareshan ho k kehna laga,
?

?

?

?

?

NO SPACE
.
.

No SPACE

==========================