URDU Sexy Jokes

Definition of Biwi:

Biwi vo hoti hai jo shaadi ke baad apne pati ki sari aadto ko badal deti hai aur fir kehti hai.. "aap pehle jaise nahi rahe".
 
**********




Guy Searches on the Google..
“Free Dinner in 5 star hotel”
.
.
.
.
.
On the top of GOOGLE search it shows:
“Mungeri Lal ke Haseen Sapne”
**********


Yeh desi biwia apne pati ko A.G kyon bolti hai?
Biwia sabhya hoti hai, bhare bazar mein Abe Gadhe (A.G) kehna dirty lagta na, iss liye A.G bol ke kaam chala leti hain.


Manager: Sorry, mein aap ko koi job nahi de sakta. Mere pas tum ko dene ke liye koi kaam nahi hai.
Santa: Oh sir ji, aap chinta na karo, bas mere ko job de do. Mein aap se kaam dene ke liye kabhi nahi kahunga.


Desi Hindi Boy: Mein tumare sath shaadi nahi kar sakta. Ghar wale nahi maan rahe.
Desi Hindi Girl: Tumhare ghar mein kon kon hai.
Desi Hindi Boy: Ek biwi aur 2 bachhe.


Bachha: Papa ek glass pani dena
Dad: Apne aap le lo
Kid: Nahi aap de do pleez.
Dad: Agar dubara mere se pani manga to 2 thapad marunga.
Kid: Papa, jab thapad marne aaoge to pani lete aana.. Papa paani dena.


Sardar ko sapne me ek ladki ne chappal mari,
2 din tak sardar apne bank nahi gaya,
Qnki bank me likha tha
“Hum aapke sapne ko hakikat me badalte hain”

(Characters count:151


Ek chor amir lok ke ghar mein chori karne gaya. Trunk pe likha tha “Trunk ko todne ki jaroorat nahi hai, 156 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao, trunk khul jayegi. Jaise hi batan daba alarm baja aur police aa gayi.”
Jate jate chor us lok se bola: Aaj mera insaaniyat se vishwas uth gaya hai!

(Characters count:305)



Rubel gora tha. Jab uska ladka paida hua toh woh kala tha.
Tab Rubel apne patni ke paas jata hai aur pucha hai, “Yaar main bhi gora tha tum bhi gori thi to bachcha kaise kala paida ho gaya?”
Aur pher uski bibi ne jawab diya, Darling mein vi Hot tum vi hot sayad “Bachcha Jal gaya hoga.”

(Characters count:287 )


BANTA Ne HAJAMAT Ki Dukan Kholi..
Santa SHAVE Karane Aya.
Banta:- Muchh Rakhni Hai
SAnta-Ha
Banta(Mucch Kaat Ke)-Le Rakh Le, Jahan Rakhni Hai.

(Characters count: 144)


Boy to friend: Dekho voh ladki meri taraf dekh ke muskura rahi hai.
Friend: Yeh to kutch bhi nahi, jab maine pehli bar tumari shakal dekhi thi to 3 din apni hassi nahi rok paya tha.

(Characters count: 182)


Principal: If any boy is found in or around girl's hostel, he will be fined Rs 300 for first time, Rs 500 for second time & Rs 800 for third time.
Student: How much will you charge for monthly pass, sir ?

(Characters count: 206)


A sardar learning English introduces his family in the party:

Hi! I am sardar,
This is my sardarni,
He is my kid,
and…. she is my kidney.

(Characters count: 139)


1Baccha Paida Hote Hi Nurse s Bola-MOBILE h Kya?
Nurse:-Hai Par Tu Kya Karega
Baccha: Bas GOD Ko Ek CALL Karni H Ki Mai Pahuch Gaya hu. Meri Wali ko Bhej Do

(Characters count: 157)


Teacher: Late kyo aaye ho?
Santa: Mumy papa lad rhe the
Techr: wo lad rhe the to tum kyo late aaye?
santa: mera 1 juta maumy k pass or Dusra papa k paas tha!

(Characters count: 158)


Ek 10 saal ka bachha dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: “Kids ka paalan poshan kaise kare”.
Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.
Kid: Main yeh dekh raha tha ke mera paalan poshan theek tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.

(Characters count: 229)


Sardar ki Beti hui.
Biwi: suno ji jb ye bari hogi tou Larke ise tung krn ge.
Sardar: Me ne is problem ka solution dhondh lia he hm iska nam "BAJI" rakhn ge;-)

(Characters count: 159)


Santa tum Is office Mein kUb se kam kr rahe hO ?
BaNtA : Jub se BoSs ne MuJhe nOkRi sE
nIkalne kI dhamkI dI hA ...;->

(Characters count: 117)


Aik Pagal (hath mai cigarette chupa kr):
batao mere hath mai kia hai?
dosara pagal: rail gari...
1st:Tumhe kaise pata chala?
2nd:maine dhuwan niklte dekha...

(Characters count: 158)


boss:pichle 6 mahino mein tumne kitni chhutiya li hai.
kabhi bimari,to kabhi honeymoon,
bacheki bimari.ab kya hai?
karamchari:kal meri shaadi hai.

(Characters count: 148)


Chemistry Ki class mein teacher ne aik larki se pocha:
What is “Nitrate” ?
Larki sharma k boli:
Sir,
Rs.1500/=

(Characters count: 111)


Maine kaha "Dil Ruba"
Usne kaha balance bhijwa..
Maine kaha "Paise Nahi"
usne kaha "Kaise nahi"..
Maine kaha "Mehangai Hai"
Usne kaha "Ja aaj se tu mera bhai hain." :"-)

(Characters count: 163)


Teacher : usne khudkhushi kar li,
use khudkhushi karni padi,
farak batao ?
Student : pehla padha likha berojgar tha,
dusra shadi-suda tha.. !

(Characters count: 145)


Saas: Khuda ne tumhe do aankhe di hai, Chawal se
patthar nahi nikal sakti kya?
Bahu: Khuda ne tumhe battis daant diye hai do
char 2-4 patthar nahi chabba sakti kya!!!

(Characters count: 167)


Ek doctor apne dost se,
yar main soch rha hoon ki yahan clinic khol loon
dost: yar tumhara khyal to acha hai magar yahaan ka qabristan chota hai

(Characters count: 143)


Anath Ashram worker kanjoos se:
Sethji, aap hamare anath ashram ke liye kya kar sakte hain?
Kanjoos: Mein anath ashram mein apne 4 bachhe bhej sakta hu.

(Characters count: 153)


Mom: Why R U pregnant?
Daughter: This is our project in college about “Miracle of Life”
Mom: Tell me who is he?
Daughter:I dont know, it was a group project.

(Characters count:156 )


Ek bus mein ladko aur ladkiyo ki team bani antakshari khelne ke liye.
Girls: Hum tumko harakar dikhayenge..
Boys: Hum haar gaye, chalo ab dikhao.