ایک عورت کا شوہر روز رات کو گھر دیر سے آتا تھا۔ اور بیوی کے پوچھنے پر ادھر اُدھر کا بہانہ کر دیتا۔
ایک رات ٹھیک دو بجے اس کے بچے کی آنکھ کھلی تو وہ تقاضا کرنے لگا۔
امی کوئی کہانی سناؤ.امی کوئی کہانی سناؤ۔
بس تھوڑی دیر صبرکرو۔ تمہارے ابا آتے ہی ہوں گے وہ ہم دونوں کو کہانی سنائیں گے۔
**********
ایک رات ٹھیک دو بجے اس کے بچے کی آنکھ کھلی تو وہ تقاضا کرنے لگا۔
امی کوئی کہانی سناؤ.امی کوئی کہانی سناؤ۔
بس تھوڑی دیر صبرکرو۔ تمہارے ابا آتے ہی ہوں گے وہ ہم دونوں کو کہانی سنائیں گے۔
**********
شوہر کے دوست سہاگ رات میں پہلے ہی سمجھات
شوہر کے دوست سہاگ رات میں پہلے ہی سمجھاتے ہوئے ۔ اگر پہلے دن بلی
مار دو گے تو ساری زندگی بیوی دبی رھے گی ڈر کر رھے گی۔ ساتھ ہی کمرے میں
بلی بھی چھوڑ دی
شوہر نے پہلی بار بلی کو غصے سے ڈانٹ ڈپٹ کر باہر نکالا ۔ تاکہ بیوی پر رعب پڑ جائے۔ دوستوں نے پھر واپس بھیج دی روشن دان سے
اب شوہر نے تکیہ اٹھا کر بلی کو دے مارا اور دوبارہ کمرے کے باہر پھینک آیا اور بیگم سے بولا۔ دیکھو یہ میرا مزاج ھے۔ میں کسی کو خود کو تنگ کرنے نہیں دیتا
اپنے سامنے آواز اٹھانے نہیں دیتا۔ میری مرضی چلتی ھے ہر جگہ
دوستون نے تیسری بار بلی پھر اندر ڈال دی کہ مارنی تو تھی
اب کی بار بیوی نے اپنا پرس کھولا پسٹل نکالا اور بلی کو گولی مار کر بولی۔آپ تو صرف پروگرام بناتے رہیں گے میں تو ایسے چپ کراتی ہوں اپنے سامنے بولنے والوں کو
.....
Santa – Yaar Banta tune poore toilet me potty kyu kar di?
Banta – Yaar ye mobile bhi na!
Santa – Kya hua?
Banta – Tune “IDEA” ka ad nahi dekha
“WALK when u TALK”
****************************************
Boyz Mentality :-
Ye jo aag dim me lagi hai zamane me laga dunga,
.
..
…
Uski doli jo uthi,
to
Koi baat nahi smart hoon dusri pata loonga…;)
****************************************
Colgate se daant saaf karne ka,
Pepsodent se majboot karne ka,
Babool se fresh karne ka..
Agar fir bhi safed nahi huye to..
Bindass HARPIC use karne ka..
****************************************
Santa : Mom kya aapne mujhe paida hone se pehle dekha tha?
Mom : Nahi to beta!
Santa : To phir paida hone ke baad aapne mujhe pehchana kaise??
****************************************
Hindi Jokes
Teacher: OXFORD matlab kya hai?
Student: OX matlab bail, FORD matlab Gaadi. to OXFORD matlab bail gaadi
Teacher: raju, tum kis liye college aate ho?
Student: vidya ke khaatir
Teacher: toh ab so kyu rahe ho?
Student: aaj vidya nahi aayi hai sir
Pati: mere marne ke baad, kyaa tum doosri shaadi karogi?
Patni: nahi. main apni behan ki saath rahungi. aap?
Pati: main bhi tumhaare behan ke saath rahunga
1st wife: tumhaara sharaabi pati roz peekar ghar aata hai na. tum poochti kyu nahi ho.
2nd wife: main poochi thi. lekin unhone mujhe diyaa nahi.
Doctor: aap dariye mat. main hoo na.
Patient: wahi mera sabse bada dar hai doctor.
Patient: Doctor, yeh mera pehla operation hai. thoda dhyaan se karna.
Doctor: dara mat. yeh mera bhi pehla operation hai
Doctor: is dawaa ko ek hafte main poora karo aur baad main aake milo.
Patient: teek hai doctor
(ek hafte ke baad)
Doctor: dawaa khatam huaa kya?
Patient: nahi doctor.
Doctor: kyu nahi?
Patient: usme likhaa thaa ke, bottle ko hamesha bandh rakhe
Funny Hindi Jokes
1st beggar: arey, tum kyu us cinema poster ko aise gur rahe ho?
2nd beggar: main hee is cinema ka producer hoo
Beggar: 10 rupaiya dedo saab. girlfriend ko phone karni hai.
Saab ka girlfriend: dekho, bhikaari bhi apni girlfriend ko kitna pyar karta hai.
Beggar: nahi memsaab, use pyar karne ke baad hee main bhikaari ban gayaa
Maalik: arey, tune 500 saal puraani ghadi thod dee hai.
naukar: bach gaya saab, main to samjha yeh nayaa hai
Ramu: Sir, mere ghar mein TV chodke baaki sabki chori hogayi hai?
Police: chor ne sirf TV kisliye chodaa hoga?
Ramu: mujhe kya pataa sir? main us samay TV mein serial dekh rahaa thaa
Jokes in Hindi
Autowaala: sorry sir, meter daalna bhool gaya.
santa: problem nahi hai. main bhi apna purse bhool aaya. chodo
Car chalaataa huaa Santa ko road mein "ACCIDENT ZONE" ka board dikhaa. isliye santa ne sochaa:
"Yeh log accident zone mein kyu road banaate hai?"
Ek kadvaa sach :-)
Behan ki friend behan ho sakti hai,
Bhai ka friend Bhai ho sakta hai,
lekin wife ka friend wife nahi ban sakti
suma: maa, raju ne mujhe kiss de diyaa
maa: haan kya? rukho main poochti hoo.
suma: nahi maa. tum poochoge to woh nahi degaa
Paagal 1: main Taj Mahal ko kareedh loonga
Paagal 2: main use abhi bhech nahi rahaa hoo
Customer: yeh kya offer hai? TV liya to 10 kerchief free!!!
Salesman: TV serials dekhne ke baad aapki aansoo ponchne ke liye
Boy: kal maine tumhaare ghar gaya tha. lagta hai hamaari shaadi nahi hogi.
girl: kyu? pappa se mile the kya?
Boy: nahi, tumhaare behan se milaa tha
Manager: hamaare bank mein hum aapko binaa interest ke loan denge.
customer: arey, jab dena hai to thoda haste haste dona. agar dene mein interest nahi hai, to mat do
Doctor Patient Hindi Jokes
Doctor: aapko isse pehle kabhi heart attack hua thaa kya?
Patient: haa doctor, bichle baar jab aap bill diye the
Nurse: udhaas kyu baite ho sir?
Doctor: dopahar jiska operation kiya tha, woh mar gaya.
Nurse: arey woh to post mortem tha.
Doctor: to main subah kiska post mortem kiyaa tha
Patient: Doctor, kya aapko yakeen hai ke mujhe cancer hai. kyunki ek baar kisi doctor ne
cancer ka ilaaj karte the aur patient TB se mar gaya.
Doctor: gabraao nahi... agar main ilaaj karungaa to tum sirf cancer se hi maroge.
Doctor: sharaab peena haanikaarak hai. is vichaar main mujhe aapse baath karni hai.
Patient: theek hai doctor. sham ko moonlight bar mein milenge.
Doctor: aapke pati ko zyaada rest ki zaroorat hai. yeh sleeping tablets leejiye.
Wife: unko yeh kab dena hai doctor?
Doctor: yeh unke liye nahi, aapke liye hai :-)
Doctor: dekhiye, yeh bimaari khaandaani hai. aapke daadaaji se shuru hui hai.
Patient: bach gaya!!! tab aap yeh operation mere daadaaji ko hee keejiye.
Patient: Doctor, meri beti ko aajkal kuch sunaayi nahi deti hai
Doctor: kya? tumhe 5 din se bukhaar hai aur tum abhi aa rahe ho!
Wife: doctor ji, mere pati neend mein baat karna shuru kardiye hai. kya karu?
Doctor: din mein unko baat karne kaa mouka deejiye.
Doctor: roz hotel mein khaane se hee aapko ulcer hui hai?
Patient: to aaj se mein ghar ko parcel leke jaaunga
Patient: doctor, mujhe 3 mahine se khaasi hai.
Doctor: itne din kyu chup the?
Patient: chup kaun tha doctor. main to khaas rahaa tha.
Doctor: operation ke baad ab sab teek hai. tum sab kuch sun sakte ho.
Patient: aapne kuch bola kya?
Doctor: aap dariye mat. main hoo na.
Patient: aap rahenge. lekin main rahoonga kya?
Doctor: tum abhi 2 ganto main mar jaanewaale ho. kya tumhaara koi aakhri khwaaish hai?
Patient: Haanji, ek achche doctor ko consult karna hai
Hilarious Jokes in Hindi
Public to Santa: us rowdy ke vajah se hum pareshaan hai. use haamare area se bhagaane ka koi tareeka bataao?
Santa: aasaan hai, use election mein khadaa karke MLA banaa do. agle 5 saal tak woh tumhaare area ki taraf nahi aayega.
Ramu: tum kaunsi soap use karte ho?
Banta: Main Santa Soap, Santa Paste aur Santa Shampoo use karta hoo
Ramu: wo kya international brand hai kya?
Banta: nahi, santa mera room mate hai.
Santa: tumhaara beta bilkul tumhaara jaisa hi dikhtaa hai.
Banta: dheere se bol... woh padosi ka beta hai
Santa: agar electricity nahi hota to kya hota?
Banta: raat mein candle light mein TV dekhna padta tha
Driver: Poora petrol khatam ho gayi hai. ab aage nahi bad sakte.
Santa: teek hai, gaadi reverse lo aur ghar vaapas chalo
Santa: Tumhe kyu arrest kiya gayaa hai?
banta: maine 50 rupaye ka chillar diya. isliye.
santa: usme kya galti hai?
banta: maine chillar mein do 25 rupaye ka note diyaa tha :-)
Santa: "impossible" shabd mere dictionary mein nahi hai
Banta: arey yaar, ab bataake kyaa faayda. dictionary lete samay check karlenaa thaa na
Examiner santa se: yeh kya hai? tumne khaali paper kyu diye ho?
Santa: kyunki neatness ke liye 5 marks hai, isliye
Santa: maine apni shaadi kaa aamantran patra bejaa thaa na? kyu nahi aaya?
Banta: lekin mujhe koi patra nahi milaa
Santa: arey yaar, maine usme likha thaa na. patra nahi milaa to bhi, zaroor aanv_slotnames=4554554676&correlator=1305102239677&frm=0&adk=565320629&ga_vid=113900284.1301131612&ga_sid=1305102240&ga_hid=1476994523&ga_fc=1&u_tz=330&u_his=29&u_java=1&u_h=600&u_w=800&u_ah=570&u_aw=800&u_cd=32&u_nplug=12&u_nmime=55&biw=1127&bih=698&eid=33895150&ref=http%3A%2F%2Ffunnyjokesinhindi.jimdo.com%2F&fu=0&ifi=2&dtd=14&xpc=sSTpX0OckN&p=http%3A//www36.jimdo.com" style="left: 0; position: absolute; top: 0;" width="160"><ins style="display: inline-table; border: none; height: 600px; margin: 0; padding: 0; position: relative; visibility: visible; width: 160px;"><ins style="display: inline-table; border: none; height: 600px; margin: 0; padding: 0; position: relative; visibility: visible; width: 160px;"/></ins> .
Santa: bhaisaab, yahaa se mumbai kitna door hai?
Vyakti: 400 km.
Santa: baap re, mujhe aaj hi vaapas lautnaa hai. mumbai se yahaa tak kitnaa door hai?
Pati: isiliye usae swarg kehete hai :-)
1st Man: shaadi ke baad main lakhpati ban gaya.
2nd Man: use kyu itnaa udhaas bol rahe ho?
1st Man: usse pehle mein crorepati tha
Pati: aaj sunday hai aur aish karna. movie ke liye 3 ticket laayaa hoon.
Patni: teen kyu?
Pati: tumhe aur tumhaare maata pitaa ke liye.
Patni: agar main mar jaaungi, to aap royenge kya?
Pati: ab kya has rahaa hoo kya?
Patni: dekhoji, hamaare shantabai ki pati, usko khush rakhne ke liye, har hafte movie pe le jaate hai. aap kyu nahi karte ho aise?
Pati: arey, maine bhi shantabai ko movie ke liye bulaaya. lekin usne manaa kardi. isme meri kya galti hai?
Husband and Wife Hindi Jokes
Wife: jab aap chashma utaarte ho, bahut handsome dikte ho.
Husband: haa dear, jab main chashma utaarta hoo, tum bhi bahut khoobsoorat dikti ho
Wife: suniye, hum is hafte poora cinema dekhenge, agle hafte poora shopping karenge.
Husband: uske baad ke hafte poora mandir jaayenge
Wife: kyu?
Husband: bheek maangne ke liye
Husband: agar operation mein mujhe kuch hua to tum us doctor se hi shaadi kar lena.
Wife: aise kyu bol rahe ho?
Husband: usse badla lene ka doosra tareeka nahi hai.
Wife: aji, koi peeche mere pair choo rahaa hai.
Husband: peeche mud ke apna chehra dikha, woh choonaa bandh kar dega
Wife: aapse milne doctorji aaye hai
Husband: mujhe bukhaar hai. unhe kal aane ke liye bolo
Husband: tum khaana bahut achchi banaati ho
Wife: tum jitna bhi maska lagaao, khaana tumhe hee banaanaa padega
School Jokes in Hindi
Teacher: agar shabd pradooshan kam karna hai to kya karna hai?
Student: hamaare kaan bandh kar leni hai.
Teacher: varthamaan, bhoot aur bhavishyat kaal ke udhaaharan do
Student: Madam, kal maine aapki beti ko dekha, aaj main usse pyar kar rahaa hoo aur kal usse shaadi karungaa.
Teacher Student School Hindi Jokes
Principal: class ko der kyu pahunche?
Student: sir, gaadi puncture ho gaya tha
Principal: to tumhe bus mein aana tha
Student: socha tha sir, lekin aapki beti sunti hi nahi ha
Anpad baap: jaise bhi ho, 4 saal ka apna padaai pooraa kardiye. aage kya karoge?
Beta: ji, arrears naam ka ek course hai, use pooraa karna hai.
Teacher: tumhaare aur harish ka answers ek jaise hai. woh kaise?
Student: kyunki question ek hi tha na masterji, isliye :-)
Teacher: Tumhaara Maa kaa naam kya hai?
LKG student: Mummy
Teacher: 5 mark lekar bhi tum has kyu rahe ho?
Student: main yeh soch raha hoo ke woh 5 marks kaise mila :-)
Teacher: agar aise hee padte rahoge, zindagi mein kuch nahi banoge.
Student: jab zindagi mein kuch nahi banunga, tab main bhi ek teacher ban jaaunga sir.
Teacher: jisko kaan sunaayi nahi deta hai, aap use kya bulaate hai?
Santa: kuch bhi bulaa sakte hai. kyunki use sunaayi nahi detaa hai na.
Teacher: duniya ke sabse puraana praani kaunsi hai?
Student: zebra hai sir
Teacher: kaise:
Student: kyunki, woh black and white hai na
Teacher: tumhaara homework kyu tumhaare pitaa ke handwriting main hai?
Student: maine unka pen use kiyaa thaa sir
Teacher: bachcho, agar man se praarthanaa kare to bhagwan aapki kwaaish poora karenge.
Student: woh sab jhoot hai sir.
Teacher: kyu?
Student: agar woh sach hota to, ab tak aap doosre school chale jaate
Teacher: jeene ke liye Oxygen zaroori hai. ise 1773 mein aavishkaar kiye.
Pappu: baap re bach gaya!! agar usse pehle paida hota to main mar jaata
Teacher: Akbar kaun tha?
Student: pata nahi sir.
Teacher: padaai ke taraf dyaan do, pataa chalegaa
Student: Aap battayiye. Suresh kaun hai?
Teacher: pata nahi.
Student: apni beti ki taraf dyaan dijiye, pata chalega.
Teacher: 4+3=7 aur 5+4=9, ab tum bataao 45+5 kitna hua?
Student: Kya sir? aasaan sawaalo ka jaavaab aap de diye aur mushkil savaal mujhse kar rahe ho
Jokes in Hindi
Santa: main shaadi karke khush rahna chaahtaa hoo.
Banta: arey yaar, mazaak mat karo. hasne ki mood nahi hai.
Santa apne bete ko: is baar agar exam mein fail huaa, to mujhe pitaji mat bulaana.
kuch din ke baad,
Santa: result ka kya hua?
Santa ka beta: sorry santa
Santa: main england jaane ke baare mein soch rahaa hoon.
Banta: bahut paise kharch hoga na.
Santa: nahi banta, sochne ke liye paise kyu?
Santa aur banta ko 500 ka ek note milaa.
Santa: hum ise 50-50 karlenge
Banta: baaki 400 kaa kya karoge?
Santa: kahaa gayaa thaa yaar?
Banta: girlfriend ke saath movie dekhne
Santa: kitna kharchaa huaa?
Banta: 500 Rs
Santa: itnaa huaa kya?
Banta: kya karu? uske paas itnaa hee thaa yaar
Santa: kelaa kitna hai?
Dukaanwala: 1 Rupay
Santa: 60 paise mein doge kya?
Dukaanwala: itne me to sirf kele kaa chilkaa hi milegaa
Santa: to 40 paise leke sirf kelaa dedo
Santa: padosi se hatouda maang leke aanaa zara
Banta: maangaa thaa, lekin nahi diye
Santa: log bahut laalchi bangaye hai. chalo, hamaara hatouda leke aao jaldi
Santa: police ne tumhe kyu arrest kiya?
Banta: maine purse se paise nikhaal ke kharchaa kar diyaa thaa
Santa: baap re!! is liye bhi arrest karte hai kya?
Banta: purse kisi aur kaa thaa yaar
..........................................................
Passenger:tumne mere jeb me haath kyu dala?
Santa: muje machis chahi thi
Passenger: tum muz se maag shakte the
Santa: mei ajnabi se baat nahi karta
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Girl: na chhod ladki ko paap hoga,
Kal tu bhi kisi bacchi ka baap hoga.
Boy: khuda kare teri baat sachchi ho,
Jo mujhe baap kahe woh teri bachchi ho.
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Autowala to bunty : sahab, 100 rupaye ho gaye.
Santa ne 50 rupaye autowale ko de diye.
Autowala : sahab ye to gundagardi hai, meter ki hisab se 100 rupaye hue hai.
Bunty : tu bhi to baithkar aaya hai, tera kiraya bhi kya mujhe dena parega!!!
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Ye jo ladkiyo ke baal hote hai,
Ladko ko fasaane ke jaal hote hai,
Khoon choos leti hai ladko ka saara,
Tabhi to inke hoth laal hote hai.
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Wife to husband:uttho raat ke 2 baje he,
Husband to wife:itni raat ko q uthaya
Wife to husband:aapne neend ki goli nahi li .
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Allama iqbal farmatay hain…
Ooper se sab dekh raha hon faraz ka haal iqbal,
Acha hi hua k mene koi asan shair nahi banaya
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Teacher pathan se: batao allama iqbal kaha peda huwe or unhone kaha taleem hasil ki?
Pathan : wo hospital men peda huwe or school men taleem hasil ki, ;-)
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Young and sexy girl goes to doctor with mom.
Girl - checkup krana hai.
Doctor - sare kapde utar ke wawhan let jao.
Girl - mera nahi, mummy ka krawna hai.
Doctor - mataji jeebh dikhao. :-)
~ Jokes SM
Santa:ek achi news hai or ek bad news
Banta:achi news
Santa:meri patni ka accident ho gaya
Banta:or bad news
Santa: wo ek sapna tha
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Tourist - is fort me koi bhoot he kya?
Guide - me yaha itne saalo se kaam kar raha hoon,
Aaj tak nahi dekha,
Tourist - kitne saal hue?
Guide - 300 saal......
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Boy-mai shadi nahi karunga
Dad-kyu?
Boy-q ki gaon wale meri mangetar ko taxi kehte hai
Dad-are beta karle..
Chota sa to gaon h
Kitni chali hogi
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Beta papa se: papa main itna bada kab ho jaunga ki mummy se bina poochey ghar se bahar ja sakoo.
Papa thandi saans lete hue: beta, itna bada toh abhi main bhi nahi hua hoon.
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Wife:jab me gana gati
Hu to ap balcony me
Kyu chale jateho
Husbnd:taki muhalle
Wale ye na smjhe ki mai
Tumhara gala daba rha hu
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Kitne % bhartiyon ko lgta hy k salman khan
Katrina kaif se shadi krega?
Ans:10%
Bcoz
Rest of the 90% wnts to marry katrina kaif themself
شوہر نے پہلی بار بلی کو غصے سے ڈانٹ ڈپٹ کر باہر نکالا ۔ تاکہ بیوی پر رعب پڑ جائے۔ دوستوں نے پھر واپس بھیج دی روشن دان سے
اب شوہر نے تکیہ اٹھا کر بلی کو دے مارا اور دوبارہ کمرے کے باہر پھینک آیا اور بیگم سے بولا۔ دیکھو یہ میرا مزاج ھے۔ میں کسی کو خود کو تنگ کرنے نہیں دیتا
اپنے سامنے آواز اٹھانے نہیں دیتا۔ میری مرضی چلتی ھے ہر جگہ
دوستون نے تیسری بار بلی پھر اندر ڈال دی کہ مارنی تو تھی
اب کی بار بیوی نے اپنا پرس کھولا پسٹل نکالا اور بلی کو گولی مار کر بولی۔آپ تو صرف پروگرام بناتے رہیں گے میں تو ایسے چپ کراتی ہوں اپنے سامنے بولنے والوں کو
.....
Santa – Yaar Banta tune poore toilet me potty kyu kar di?
Banta – Yaar ye mobile bhi na!
Santa – Kya hua?
Banta – Tune “IDEA” ka ad nahi dekha
“WALK when u TALK”
****************************************
Boyz Mentality :-
Ye jo aag dim me lagi hai zamane me laga dunga,
.
..
…
Uski doli jo uthi,
to
Koi baat nahi smart hoon dusri pata loonga…;)
****************************************
Colgate se daant saaf karne ka,
Pepsodent se majboot karne ka,
Babool se fresh karne ka..
Agar fir bhi safed nahi huye to..
Bindass HARPIC use karne ka..
****************************************
Santa : Mom kya aapne mujhe paida hone se pehle dekha tha?
Mom : Nahi to beta!
Santa : To phir paida hone ke baad aapne mujhe pehchana kaise??
****************************************
Hindi Jokes
Teacher: OXFORD matlab kya hai?
Student: OX matlab bail, FORD matlab Gaadi. to OXFORD matlab bail gaadi
Teacher: raju, tum kis liye college aate ho?
Student: vidya ke khaatir
Teacher: toh ab so kyu rahe ho?
Student: aaj vidya nahi aayi hai sir
Pati: mere marne ke baad, kyaa tum doosri shaadi karogi?
Patni: nahi. main apni behan ki saath rahungi. aap?
Pati: main bhi tumhaare behan ke saath rahunga
1st wife: tumhaara sharaabi pati roz peekar ghar aata hai na. tum poochti kyu nahi ho.
2nd wife: main poochi thi. lekin unhone mujhe diyaa nahi.
Doctor: aap dariye mat. main hoo na.
Patient: wahi mera sabse bada dar hai doctor.
Patient: Doctor, yeh mera pehla operation hai. thoda dhyaan se karna.
Doctor: dara mat. yeh mera bhi pehla operation hai
Doctor: is dawaa ko ek hafte main poora karo aur baad main aake milo.
Patient: teek hai doctor
(ek hafte ke baad)
Doctor: dawaa khatam huaa kya?
Patient: nahi doctor.
Doctor: kyu nahi?
Patient: usme likhaa thaa ke, bottle ko hamesha bandh rakhe
Funny Hindi Jokes
1st beggar: arey, tum kyu us cinema poster ko aise gur rahe ho?
2nd beggar: main hee is cinema ka producer hoo
Beggar: 10 rupaiya dedo saab. girlfriend ko phone karni hai.
Saab ka girlfriend: dekho, bhikaari bhi apni girlfriend ko kitna pyar karta hai.
Beggar: nahi memsaab, use pyar karne ke baad hee main bhikaari ban gayaa
Maalik: arey, tune 500 saal puraani ghadi thod dee hai.
naukar: bach gaya saab, main to samjha yeh nayaa hai
Ramu: Sir, mere ghar mein TV chodke baaki sabki chori hogayi hai?
Police: chor ne sirf TV kisliye chodaa hoga?
Ramu: mujhe kya pataa sir? main us samay TV mein serial dekh rahaa thaa
Jokes in Hindi
Autowaala: sorry sir, meter daalna bhool gaya.
santa: problem nahi hai. main bhi apna purse bhool aaya. chodo
Car chalaataa huaa Santa ko road mein "ACCIDENT ZONE" ka board dikhaa. isliye santa ne sochaa:
"Yeh log accident zone mein kyu road banaate hai?"
Ek kadvaa sach :-)
Behan ki friend behan ho sakti hai,
Bhai ka friend Bhai ho sakta hai,
lekin wife ka friend wife nahi ban sakti
suma: maa, raju ne mujhe kiss de diyaa
maa: haan kya? rukho main poochti hoo.
suma: nahi maa. tum poochoge to woh nahi degaa
Paagal 1: main Taj Mahal ko kareedh loonga
Paagal 2: main use abhi bhech nahi rahaa hoo
Customer: yeh kya offer hai? TV liya to 10 kerchief free!!!
Salesman: TV serials dekhne ke baad aapki aansoo ponchne ke liye
Boy: kal maine tumhaare ghar gaya tha. lagta hai hamaari shaadi nahi hogi.
girl: kyu? pappa se mile the kya?
Boy: nahi, tumhaare behan se milaa tha
Manager: hamaare bank mein hum aapko binaa interest ke loan denge.
customer: arey, jab dena hai to thoda haste haste dona. agar dene mein interest nahi hai, to mat do
Doctor Patient Hindi Jokes
Doctor: aapko isse pehle kabhi heart attack hua thaa kya?
Patient: haa doctor, bichle baar jab aap bill diye the
Nurse: udhaas kyu baite ho sir?
Doctor: dopahar jiska operation kiya tha, woh mar gaya.
Nurse: arey woh to post mortem tha.
Doctor: to main subah kiska post mortem kiyaa tha
Patient: Doctor, kya aapko yakeen hai ke mujhe cancer hai. kyunki ek baar kisi doctor ne
cancer ka ilaaj karte the aur patient TB se mar gaya.
Doctor: gabraao nahi... agar main ilaaj karungaa to tum sirf cancer se hi maroge.
Doctor: sharaab peena haanikaarak hai. is vichaar main mujhe aapse baath karni hai.
Patient: theek hai doctor. sham ko moonlight bar mein milenge.
Doctor: aapke pati ko zyaada rest ki zaroorat hai. yeh sleeping tablets leejiye.
Wife: unko yeh kab dena hai doctor?
Doctor: yeh unke liye nahi, aapke liye hai :-)
Doctor: dekhiye, yeh bimaari khaandaani hai. aapke daadaaji se shuru hui hai.
Patient: bach gaya!!! tab aap yeh operation mere daadaaji ko hee keejiye.
Patient: Doctor, meri beti ko aajkal kuch sunaayi nahi deti hai
Doctor: kya? tumhe 5 din se bukhaar hai aur tum abhi aa rahe ho!
Wife: doctor ji, mere pati neend mein baat karna shuru kardiye hai. kya karu?
Doctor: din mein unko baat karne kaa mouka deejiye.
Doctor: roz hotel mein khaane se hee aapko ulcer hui hai?
Patient: to aaj se mein ghar ko parcel leke jaaunga
Patient: doctor, mujhe 3 mahine se khaasi hai.
Doctor: itne din kyu chup the?
Patient: chup kaun tha doctor. main to khaas rahaa tha.
Doctor: operation ke baad ab sab teek hai. tum sab kuch sun sakte ho.
Patient: aapne kuch bola kya?
Doctor: aap dariye mat. main hoo na.
Patient: aap rahenge. lekin main rahoonga kya?
Doctor: tum abhi 2 ganto main mar jaanewaale ho. kya tumhaara koi aakhri khwaaish hai?
Patient: Haanji, ek achche doctor ko consult karna hai
Hilarious Jokes in Hindi
Public to Santa: us rowdy ke vajah se hum pareshaan hai. use haamare area se bhagaane ka koi tareeka bataao?
Santa: aasaan hai, use election mein khadaa karke MLA banaa do. agle 5 saal tak woh tumhaare area ki taraf nahi aayega.
Ramu: tum kaunsi soap use karte ho?
Banta: Main Santa Soap, Santa Paste aur Santa Shampoo use karta hoo
Ramu: wo kya international brand hai kya?
Banta: nahi, santa mera room mate hai.
Santa: tumhaara beta bilkul tumhaara jaisa hi dikhtaa hai.
Banta: dheere se bol... woh padosi ka beta hai
Santa: agar electricity nahi hota to kya hota?
Banta: raat mein candle light mein TV dekhna padta tha
Driver: Poora petrol khatam ho gayi hai. ab aage nahi bad sakte.
Santa: teek hai, gaadi reverse lo aur ghar vaapas chalo
Santa: Tumhe kyu arrest kiya gayaa hai?
banta: maine 50 rupaye ka chillar diya. isliye.
santa: usme kya galti hai?
banta: maine chillar mein do 25 rupaye ka note diyaa tha :-)
Santa: "impossible" shabd mere dictionary mein nahi hai
Banta: arey yaar, ab bataake kyaa faayda. dictionary lete samay check karlenaa thaa na
Examiner santa se: yeh kya hai? tumne khaali paper kyu diye ho?
Santa: kyunki neatness ke liye 5 marks hai, isliye
Santa: maine apni shaadi kaa aamantran patra bejaa thaa na? kyu nahi aaya?
Banta: lekin mujhe koi patra nahi milaa
Santa: arey yaar, maine usme likha thaa na. patra nahi milaa to bhi, zaroor aanv_slotnames=4554554676&correlator=1305102239677&frm=0&adk=565320629&ga_vid=113900284.1301131612&ga_sid=1305102240&ga_hid=1476994523&ga_fc=1&u_tz=330&u_his=29&u_java=1&u_h=600&u_w=800&u_ah=570&u_aw=800&u_cd=32&u_nplug=12&u_nmime=55&biw=1127&bih=698&eid=33895150&ref=http%3A%2F%2Ffunnyjokesinhindi.jimdo.com%2F&fu=0&ifi=2&dtd=14&xpc=sSTpX0OckN&p=http%3A//www36.jimdo.com" style="left: 0; position: absolute; top: 0;" width="160"><ins style="display: inline-table; border: none; height: 600px; margin: 0; padding: 0; position: relative; visibility: visible; width: 160px;"><ins style="display: inline-table; border: none; height: 600px; margin: 0; padding: 0; position: relative; visibility: visible; width: 160px;"/></ins> .
Santa: bhaisaab, yahaa se mumbai kitna door hai?
Vyakti: 400 km.
Santa: baap re, mujhe aaj hi vaapas lautnaa hai. mumbai se yahaa tak kitnaa door hai?
Pati: isiliye usae swarg kehete hai :-)
1st Man: shaadi ke baad main lakhpati ban gaya.
2nd Man: use kyu itnaa udhaas bol rahe ho?
1st Man: usse pehle mein crorepati tha
Pati: aaj sunday hai aur aish karna. movie ke liye 3 ticket laayaa hoon.
Patni: teen kyu?
Pati: tumhe aur tumhaare maata pitaa ke liye.
Patni: agar main mar jaaungi, to aap royenge kya?
Pati: ab kya has rahaa hoo kya?
Patni: dekhoji, hamaare shantabai ki pati, usko khush rakhne ke liye, har hafte movie pe le jaate hai. aap kyu nahi karte ho aise?
Pati: arey, maine bhi shantabai ko movie ke liye bulaaya. lekin usne manaa kardi. isme meri kya galti hai?
Husband and Wife Hindi Jokes
Wife: jab aap chashma utaarte ho, bahut handsome dikte ho.
Husband: haa dear, jab main chashma utaarta hoo, tum bhi bahut khoobsoorat dikti ho
Wife: suniye, hum is hafte poora cinema dekhenge, agle hafte poora shopping karenge.
Husband: uske baad ke hafte poora mandir jaayenge
Wife: kyu?
Husband: bheek maangne ke liye
Husband: agar operation mein mujhe kuch hua to tum us doctor se hi shaadi kar lena.
Wife: aise kyu bol rahe ho?
Husband: usse badla lene ka doosra tareeka nahi hai.
Wife: aji, koi peeche mere pair choo rahaa hai.
Husband: peeche mud ke apna chehra dikha, woh choonaa bandh kar dega
Wife: aapse milne doctorji aaye hai
Husband: mujhe bukhaar hai. unhe kal aane ke liye bolo
Husband: tum khaana bahut achchi banaati ho
Wife: tum jitna bhi maska lagaao, khaana tumhe hee banaanaa padega
School Jokes in Hindi
Teacher: agar shabd pradooshan kam karna hai to kya karna hai?
Student: hamaare kaan bandh kar leni hai.
Teacher: varthamaan, bhoot aur bhavishyat kaal ke udhaaharan do
Student: Madam, kal maine aapki beti ko dekha, aaj main usse pyar kar rahaa hoo aur kal usse shaadi karungaa.
Teacher Student School Hindi Jokes
Principal: class ko der kyu pahunche?
Student: sir, gaadi puncture ho gaya tha
Principal: to tumhe bus mein aana tha
Student: socha tha sir, lekin aapki beti sunti hi nahi ha
Anpad baap: jaise bhi ho, 4 saal ka apna padaai pooraa kardiye. aage kya karoge?
Beta: ji, arrears naam ka ek course hai, use pooraa karna hai.
Teacher: tumhaare aur harish ka answers ek jaise hai. woh kaise?
Student: kyunki question ek hi tha na masterji, isliye :-)
Teacher: Tumhaara Maa kaa naam kya hai?
LKG student: Mummy
Teacher: 5 mark lekar bhi tum has kyu rahe ho?
Student: main yeh soch raha hoo ke woh 5 marks kaise mila :-)
Teacher: agar aise hee padte rahoge, zindagi mein kuch nahi banoge.
Student: jab zindagi mein kuch nahi banunga, tab main bhi ek teacher ban jaaunga sir.
Teacher: jisko kaan sunaayi nahi deta hai, aap use kya bulaate hai?
Santa: kuch bhi bulaa sakte hai. kyunki use sunaayi nahi detaa hai na.
Teacher: duniya ke sabse puraana praani kaunsi hai?
Student: zebra hai sir
Teacher: kaise:
Student: kyunki, woh black and white hai na
Teacher: tumhaara homework kyu tumhaare pitaa ke handwriting main hai?
Student: maine unka pen use kiyaa thaa sir
Teacher: bachcho, agar man se praarthanaa kare to bhagwan aapki kwaaish poora karenge.
Student: woh sab jhoot hai sir.
Teacher: kyu?
Student: agar woh sach hota to, ab tak aap doosre school chale jaate
Teacher: jeene ke liye Oxygen zaroori hai. ise 1773 mein aavishkaar kiye.
Pappu: baap re bach gaya!! agar usse pehle paida hota to main mar jaata
Teacher: Akbar kaun tha?
Student: pata nahi sir.
Teacher: padaai ke taraf dyaan do, pataa chalegaa
Student: Aap battayiye. Suresh kaun hai?
Teacher: pata nahi.
Student: apni beti ki taraf dyaan dijiye, pata chalega.
Teacher: 4+3=7 aur 5+4=9, ab tum bataao 45+5 kitna hua?
Student: Kya sir? aasaan sawaalo ka jaavaab aap de diye aur mushkil savaal mujhse kar rahe ho
Jokes in Hindi
Santa: main shaadi karke khush rahna chaahtaa hoo.
Banta: arey yaar, mazaak mat karo. hasne ki mood nahi hai.
Santa apne bete ko: is baar agar exam mein fail huaa, to mujhe pitaji mat bulaana.
kuch din ke baad,
Santa: result ka kya hua?
Santa ka beta: sorry santa
Santa: main england jaane ke baare mein soch rahaa hoon.
Banta: bahut paise kharch hoga na.
Santa: nahi banta, sochne ke liye paise kyu?
Santa aur banta ko 500 ka ek note milaa.
Santa: hum ise 50-50 karlenge
Banta: baaki 400 kaa kya karoge?
Santa: kahaa gayaa thaa yaar?
Banta: girlfriend ke saath movie dekhne
Santa: kitna kharchaa huaa?
Banta: 500 Rs
Santa: itnaa huaa kya?
Banta: kya karu? uske paas itnaa hee thaa yaar
Santa: kelaa kitna hai?
Dukaanwala: 1 Rupay
Santa: 60 paise mein doge kya?
Dukaanwala: itne me to sirf kele kaa chilkaa hi milegaa
Santa: to 40 paise leke sirf kelaa dedo
Santa: padosi se hatouda maang leke aanaa zara
Banta: maangaa thaa, lekin nahi diye
Santa: log bahut laalchi bangaye hai. chalo, hamaara hatouda leke aao jaldi
Santa: police ne tumhe kyu arrest kiya?
Banta: maine purse se paise nikhaal ke kharchaa kar diyaa thaa
Santa: baap re!! is liye bhi arrest karte hai kya?
Banta: purse kisi aur kaa thaa yaar
..........................................................
Passenger:tumne mere jeb me haath kyu dala?
Santa: muje machis chahi thi
Passenger: tum muz se maag shakte the
Santa: mei ajnabi se baat nahi karta
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Girl: na chhod ladki ko paap hoga,
Kal tu bhi kisi bacchi ka baap hoga.
Boy: khuda kare teri baat sachchi ho,
Jo mujhe baap kahe woh teri bachchi ho.
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Autowala to bunty : sahab, 100 rupaye ho gaye.
Santa ne 50 rupaye autowale ko de diye.
Autowala : sahab ye to gundagardi hai, meter ki hisab se 100 rupaye hue hai.
Bunty : tu bhi to baithkar aaya hai, tera kiraya bhi kya mujhe dena parega!!!
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Ye jo ladkiyo ke baal hote hai,
Ladko ko fasaane ke jaal hote hai,
Khoon choos leti hai ladko ka saara,
Tabhi to inke hoth laal hote hai.
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Wife to husband:uttho raat ke 2 baje he,
Husband to wife:itni raat ko q uthaya
Wife to husband:aapne neend ki goli nahi li .
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Allama iqbal farmatay hain…
Ooper se sab dekh raha hon faraz ka haal iqbal,
Acha hi hua k mene koi asan shair nahi banaya
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Teacher pathan se: batao allama iqbal kaha peda huwe or unhone kaha taleem hasil ki?
Pathan : wo hospital men peda huwe or school men taleem hasil ki, ;-)
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Young and sexy girl goes to doctor with mom.
Girl - checkup krana hai.
Doctor - sare kapde utar ke wawhan let jao.
Girl - mera nahi, mummy ka krawna hai.
Doctor - mataji jeebh dikhao. :-)
~ Jokes SM
Santa:ek achi news hai or ek bad news
Banta:achi news
Santa:meri patni ka accident ho gaya
Banta:or bad news
Santa: wo ek sapna tha
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Tourist - is fort me koi bhoot he kya?
Guide - me yaha itne saalo se kaam kar raha hoon,
Aaj tak nahi dekha,
Tourist - kitne saal hue?
Guide - 300 saal......
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Boy-mai shadi nahi karunga
Dad-kyu?
Boy-q ki gaon wale meri mangetar ko taxi kehte hai
Dad-are beta karle..
Chota sa to gaon h
Kitni chali hogi
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Beta papa se: papa main itna bada kab ho jaunga ki mummy se bina poochey ghar se bahar ja sakoo.
Papa thandi saans lete hue: beta, itna bada toh abhi main bhi nahi hua hoon.
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Wife:jab me gana gati
Hu to ap balcony me
Kyu chale jateho
Husbnd:taki muhalle
Wale ye na smjhe ki mai
Tumhara gala daba rha hu
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message
Kitne % bhartiyon ko lgta hy k salman khan
Katrina kaif se shadi krega?
Ans:10%
Bcoz
Rest of the 90% wnts to marry katrina kaif themself
No comments:
Post a Comment