Hindi / Urdu Adult SMS Jokes {New, Free & Funny}

Full Time Masti … Non stop fun

6 Inch ka hai.
.
Size normal he
.
.

Mazboot he

.
.
Ziyadah mota bhi nahin he
.
.
2 larkiyan dekh chuki hain
.
.
Lena he to bolo?
Full Time Masti
Non stop Fun
Mera…
.
LG KG 195

Usne utari saree…

Usne utari saree
fir aayi peticoat ki bari
blouse to pahle hi diya tha utar
ziyadah excited mat ho yaar
yeh tha kapray sukhane ka taar ….!

Nikal lena apna ATM

Insan jb pehli bar dalta hy to wo confuse hota hay
magar tum na ghabrana or dal dena
tum jese hi rakho ge wo khud andar chala jaye ga
phir thumein acha lagnay lagay ga
or
phir ajeeb ajeeb awazen ayen gi,
or phr jub tumhari money nikal jaye
to tum nikal lena apna ATM

Pehlay KISS karo, phir palang per litao

Pehle KISS karo,
phir PALANG per leta do,
phir CHADDI utar do,
phir NICHE haath lagao,
.
.
.
.
Aur check karo k
BABY ne SU SU to nahi kiya na

Maa Gaon mein Fauji aaye hain

Beti: Maa Gaon mein Fauji aaye hain
Maa: andar aaja inki niyat bahut kharab hoti hai
Beti: Maa fauji Pakistani hain
Maa: to bakri ko bhi andar le aa.

Larkion ko ezzat do

“Larkiyo Ko Ezzat Do
Q Ke Agr Aaj Tum Un Ko Ezzat Do Gay
To Kal Ko ho skta hai k
Wo B Tum Ko Apni Ezzat Day Den”…
(Professor Dr. Imran Hashmi)

Dil kerta hai tujhey kuttay k agay dal dun

Train mai aik husband apni wife say:
tujh say shadi ker k pachta raha hun
dil kerta hai tujhey kuttay k agay dal dun
samnay wala passenger:wao wao wao wao!!!

one girl asked to pappu

1 girl ask 2 pappu : woh kia hai jo cow k paas 4 or mere paas 2 hain?
pappu : legs
Girl : woh kia hai jo tumhari pant main hai aur meri pant mein nahi hai?
pappu: paisay
Girl : woh kia hai jo log din main karne k bajaye ko raat bistar pe kartay hain
pappu: neend puri karte hain
girl : woh kia hai jo larki pehli daffa karwate huye pain
ki wajah se roti hai?
pappu : kaan main ched
MORAL : aap bhi apni zehniat pappu ki tarhan saaf rakhain

Tujhey sub pata hai

Child:papa aunty ka pait kion phola hai?
Father:tujhey sub pata hai!
Child: nahin pata promise!
Father: in k pait main pani bhara hay
CHILD:Oh No! Bacha to doob jaye ga!

Biwi pani se bohat darti hai

Sardar : Yar meri biwi pani se bohat darti hai.
Friend : Acha wo kaise?
Sardar : Yar kal mein ghar gaya to wo bathtub
mai bhi security guard k sath bethi thi.!!

Itnay saray bachay aik sath

Teacher: Bacho batao k billi 1 sath itnay
saray bachay kaisay paida karti hay?
Kid: Miss agar aap road pay billi ki
tarah ghoomo to aap ko pata chal jayega…

Musharaf Reema ka haath pakar kar bola

Musharaf Reema ka haath pakar kar bola:
“Aao kamray mein chalain”
Reema; “Ki faida, wardi tey tu lani nai”

Larki aa rahi hay ya ja rahi hay

Girl to boy: Tum larkay kisi larki mei
sub se pehlay kia daikhte ho ?
Boy: Yeh tou depend karta hai k
larki aa rahi hay ya ja rahi hai …:p

Boy:chalo kisi sunsaan/viraan jagah chaltey hain!

Boy:chalo kisi sunsaan/viraan jagah chaltey hain!
Girl:tum aisi-waisi harkat to nahi karoge?
Boy:bilkul nahi!
Girl:to phir rehne do…

aaj tumhein akeiley mein….

aaj tumhein akeiley mein…
le ja kar…
apney hontoon se eik…
k…
ki…
kis..
kiss…
kissa sunaon bili aur chohey ka……….

pehlay hath mai lo, phir mun mai …

pahlay hat ma lo
phir mon mai lo
phir thook lagao
phir sidha karoo
phir sorakh ma daloo
uff..
kithna muskhil ha soi mai dagha dalna

Us nay kaha aur dabao

us ne kaha or dabao,
main dabaya,
us ne kaha or dabao,
main ne or dabaya,
us ne kaha baniyan nikal do phir dabao,
main ne phir dabaya,
us ne kaha pent bhi nikal do phir dabao,
main ne phir dabaya . . . Â
dekha ho gya na suit case band:)

Aik bar karo na plz…

Aik bar karo na plz..
kisi ko pata nahi chalega..
plz karo naaa……..
muje acha lage ga…
aik bar hamari dosti ki khatri
kar do na plzz…
aik pyara sa SMS!!!

Teri sula ke lu?

teri sula ke lu?
ya bitha ke lu?
ya tujhe karu khada
ya fir teri juka-jukake lu?
ab tu hi bata
ki mein teri…
photo kaise lu.

Urdu Funny SMS

Hello G

G,G
Acha G

Han G

Acha

Acha

Really

Na Oye

Phir

Sachi

Phir

Haan

Kaise

Acha G

Haan

Kia?

Oh Nahi G

Sorry Wrong Number..

=========================

Qayamat k din allah pak sub ko aik

paper dega k apne apne gunah lekho

sub likh rehe honge achanak aap ki

awaz ai ge ” supply plz”! :-) )

=========================

Kon kehta hai k Pakistan me job nai milti

Ye lo Jharu

\\\\|////
\\\|///
\\|//
\|/
|

Or shandar career ka aghaz karo.

=========================
Ek Zaruri Itla
Kabhi Kisi Larki Se Book Nahi Mangni Chahiye,

Nahi To Chaanta Bhi Lag Sakta Hai

Kyun K,

Book Means:

B= Baby
O= Only
O= One
K= Kiss;->

=======================

Ap lovely ho -94%

Ap Cute ho -95%

Ap Sweet ho -96%

Ap Beautiful ho -97%

Ap Stylish ho -98%

Ap Attractive ho -99%

or

Main phainknay mein Expert hun 100%.

=======================

Manzil kareeb dekh kar yun mutmaeen na ho FARAZ
,
,
,
,
,
,
Aksar Tatti nikal jati hay bathroom ke aas paas..

==========================

Dil Ke operation ko BYEPASS Q kahte hain????????

Socho Socho,

??????

Q Ke agar operation theek ho Gaya to PASS,Warna BYE :-)

==========================

Hum to tanhayon se tang akar dost banane nikle the FARAZ…

Dost bhi aise mile k aur tanha kargay.

==========================

Larki nahane gai kapre utare darwaza

baja boli=KON? Jawab aya=POSTMAN kapre

pehen k letter liya phir nahane gai kapre

utare darwaza baja boli=KON? Jawab aya=DHOBI

kapre pehen k dhobi se hisab kiya phir nahane

gai kapre utare darwaza baja phir boli=KON?

Jawab aya=PAPPU(parosan ka beta hay.ANDHA hay)

larki ne socha kya farq parta hay kapre nahi

pehenti aise he chali gai darwaza khola PAPPU

ne mithai di boli=kis khushi me PAPPU=meri

Ankhein theek hogayeen.

===========================

1 Pakistani dosre se:

Yaar kehte hain iss baar jung computer se lari jaye gi???

2nd: Haan! mizaile computer se control hotay hain na…

1st: Phir tau hum jang haar jain gay.

2nd: Woh kese???

1st: Yaar agar mizaile chalanay se pahlay hi bijli chali gai tau??? ;)

=======================

Makhlooq ko mat Tang kia kero
Once a Molvi went 2 Zardarii

&

Said !

“Makhlooq ko mat Tang kia kero Werna Allah ka Aazab ayega “

Zardari said!

Bholay Badshao ! Mein he wo Azaab hoon jo aa Chuka hai

===========================

BV se larayi khatam hoi?
1 dost: BV se larayi khatam hoi?

2nd dost: gutne taik k mere pass ai thi

1st: ussney gutne taik kay kia kaha?

2nd: yehi key bed k nichey se nikal aao khuch nahi kahongi

===========================

Murgi to anday deti hai.

Anday to sufaid hote hein.

Sufaid to dood bhi hota hai.

Dood to bhains deti hai.

Bhains to kali hoti hai.

Kala to bangali bhi hota hai.

Bangali to paan khaata hai.

Paan to laal hota hai.

Laal to gulaab bhi hota hai.

Gulab mein to Kaantein hote hein.

Kantein to machli mein bhi hote hein.

Machli to pani mein terti hai.

Pani mein to insan bhi tera hai.

Insan to lamba hota hai.

Lamba to mera ye Sms bhi hai.

Mujhe to deemagh khana tha.

Ha ha ha

=======================

Boy:Tum shadi k baad apnay liye alag ghar to nahi maango gi?

Girl:Aray nahi!! tum apni amma ko alag ghar dila dena

=======================

Bhikari: Baboo 10 Rs. ka sawal hai, chaay (Tea) peenee hai.

Aadmee: Lykin chaay tu 05 Rs. ki aati hai.

Bhikari (sharmatay hoay): Woh meri girl friend bhi saath hai.

========================

chooha Billi Se Darta Hai

Billi Kuttay Se Datrteee Hai

Kutta Aadmee Se Darta Hai

Aadmee
Biwi Se Darta Hai

Or
Biwi Choohay Se Dartee Hai

Hai Na Dunya Gol !!!!

=========================

Agar aap Gul Ahmad k kapray pehnay gay tu..

.

.
to

.

.
to

tu bichara Gul Ahmad kia pehnay ga?

============================

Girl Friend: Darling , Tum mere liye sitaray

tor kar la sakte ho?

Boy Friend: Mujhy koi amrood torne nahi deta

tum sitaaron ki baat karti ho..

=============================

Teri Sada ki Bay-rukhi ko mai aaj takbhula nhi paya…

Mubarak ho mubarak ho!!..Is shair me Faraz nhi aya

===============================

KFC New Prices

Piza @Rs.200
Chicken @Rs.150
Burger @Rs.100
Pepsi @Rs.50

Lakin ap phir b kuch kha nhi sakte Q K
ap k pas tou sms k liye b paisy nhi hote.

=======================

1 choohay ko agar 1 bille se love
ho jaye tou wo kon sa gaana gaey ga?
.
.
.
.

Very simple

Billo rani…

Kaho tou abhi jaan day doon.

==========================

Bhai log!

Ghajini dekhne k bad andaza hua k
apke bhi b Amir khan se kuch kam
nhi hai.

Mein b parhta hun,samjhta hun,

Phir 15 min bad sab bhool jata hun.

==========================

A dirty msg

1 cockroach hotel gya aur waiter sai kaha

1 plate bulghum 1 fry nak or nuzla

1 glass vomating shake le aao

But hath safeguard se dho laina plz

===========================

Boy: Suit to bohot acha pehna hai.

Girl: thanks

Boy: Lipstick bhi achi hai.

Girl: thanks

Boy: Makeup bhi bohot acha hai.

Girl: thanks

Boy: Lekin achi phir bhi nahi lag rahi ho.

=============================

1 Khusra Vote Mangte Hue
“Hamen Vote Do,
Mai Yakeen Dilata Hn Agar Mein Kamyab Hogya
To Phr Kisi K Haan Bhi Kaka Paida Hoa To
“Govt.”
Us K Ghar Muft Nachay Gi…

=============================

Ye lo aik rupey ka Coin aur mujhe Cute sa Sms

karo kanjoosi ki bhi koi had hoti hai

Aur khabar dar is aik rupey ki tofee khareedi to…

==============================

TV On karo….

Abhi abhi Government of Pakistan ne Ordinance jaari kiya hai

k

KhoobSoorat logon ko is mulk se nikal diya jaye ga

Aap to 100% save ho

.
.
.
Par mein kahan Jaaon??

============================

Patient: Mujhe beemari hai.
Na khaaon to Bhook lagti hai.
Na Soun oto Neend aati hai.
Aur ziyada kam kar loon to thak jata hoon.
Doctor: Saari raat dhoop mein baitho theek ho jao gay.

==============================


Ek dafa ek chuua ek haati key pinjrey main ghuss jata hai.

Woh haati ko dekh ta hai aur pooch ta hai,

“Bhai haati aap itney barrey ho, aap ki kya umar hai?”

Haati bolta hai: Main teen saal ka ho gaya hoon.

Tumhaari kiya umar hai chuuey?
Chuua sharma key kahta hai: Umar to meri

bhi teen saal hai lekin dar assal bachpan mein

meri sahat kharaab rahti thi.

============================

Cheel urri

Kawwa urraa

Maina urri

Chirria urri

Gadha urra

Oops..Sorry jaldi main aap ka b urra
dia

=========================

Ek tou tum shrmatey bohat ho

Ager baat krey koi tumse tou itraatey boht ho

Dil chahat hai koi sms na karon tum ko

Per suna hai tum sms parh k muskuratey boht ho…

=============================

Hain dafan mujh mein meri kitni raunaqen mat pouch Faraz!

Ujar ujar k jo basta raha wo shehr hoon main..!

==============================

__l""l l""l__
(______)(______)

Ye hain wo joote jo BUSH per barsay thy in ki

Qemat Caror Dollar lag chuki hai mager aap k liye free!!

=============================

Itni shiddat se maine larki patane ki kosish ki hai,

K her amma nai mujhy apni beti ka haath na dene ke saazish ke hai

Kehte hain aggar tum sache dil se larki patana chaho

Tou pori kayenat tumhare liye larki patane mein lag jati hai

Ye larki kay chakar bhi apni hindi films
ki tarah hote hain

End mai sub theek ho hi jata hai,

Aur agar sub thek na ho tou chakar khatam nhi hota

Kyn k uski choti behn abhi baqi hai mere dost…

==============================

Main teri Maa Hoti
Teacher: Main teri Maa Hoti Tou Main Tujhy

2 Din Main Sudhaar Deti …

Student: Madam, Kal Tak Main Apne Papa Sy

Mashwara Kar k Bata Doonga … ;->

======================

Duniya buri ho sakti hai aap nhi

Duniya bewafa ho sakti hai aap nhi

Duniya zalim ho sakti hai aap nhi

aur
aur
aur

Kuttay ki dum sedhi ho sakti hai ap
ke nhi..

=============================

Police officer 2 his son!

Tumhara result acha nhi aaya,

Aaj se tumhara khelna aur T.V dekhna
band

Son!Ye 50 rupay pakro aur is baat ko yaheen dabado

==========================

Jotay khane k tum he ustaad nhi ho ARBAB….

Suna hai is zamanay mei koi BUSH bhi hai…

==========================

Ek charsi ki bakri gum ho gai bohat talash kya magar nhi mili,

Sham ko ghar aaya tou bakri samne bandhi hui thi,

Ghuse mai aa kar bakri zibah kar di,

Khud bhi khai or doston ko bhi khilai,

Jab subha so kar utha tou dekha bari sahi salamat khari thi,

Aur kuta gayeb tha……

==========================

Zindagi mai kuch sapny saja lena,

Dil mai kuch arman jaga lena,

Hum aap ki raahon se her dard chura lenge,

Jab chaho hum se Disprin
mangwa lena….

======================

Breaking News on Geo TV.

Pakistan mai loadshedding khatam

:

:

:

:

:

Abhi itna hi suna tha k light chali
gae :-(

==========================

A dirty msg

1 cockroach hotel gaya or waiter se kaha
1 plate bulghum 1 fry nak or nuzla

1 glas vomating shak le aao but hath safeguard se dho lena plz.

==========================

Best Sms of 1947.
.

.


Tab Mobile tha kya?
Kabhie to thora dimagh ka istamaal kar liye karo!
Bas Sms parhne ki lagi rehti hai..

=============================

Shikwa hamein manzoor nhi…

Aaj na koi bahana hoga …

Aap ko hamari khushiyoun ki qasam…

Next saal aap ko Nahana hoga

=======================

Lafz lafz likhon teri tareef mai,

.

.

.

Lafz Lafz Lafz

Lafz Lafz Lafz

Lafz Lafz Lafz

Lafz Lafz Lafz

Kafi hain ya aur likhon?

===========================

1 indian ne 24 ghnte tk pani mai sans rok

kar rehne ka rcord qaim kya hai jinhe kal
.

.

.

Bad namaz e zuher mewa shah qabristan

mai dafnaya jaega..

===========================

Aajib Hai Nakhre Tere…
Aajib Tera Style Hai…
Naak Pochne Ki Tameez Nahi
Haathoo Main Mobile Hai

===========================
Zindagi mai kamiyab hony k do asool:

1- Kabhi kisi ko puri baat na batao.

2- ……!!!!

============================

Ques:Ghurbat ki intha kya hai?

Ans: Jb 1 larki 2 rupay mein kiss dene ko tayar ho

‘

‘

‘

‘

Aur aap k pass 1 rupay ho…!

=======================

Koi…

Galti

Ghhustakhi

Wagaira

Ho

Gai

Ho

Tou

Is

Akhri

Mahenay

Me

;

;

;

;

Mujh

se

Mafi maang lo

Q

k

;

Me aaj achay mood mai hoon

=========================

hockey aur cricket me kya fark hy ???

Hockey main Pakistan 1 ghantay main zalil hota hai

Jab ke

Cricket main 9 ghantay lag jate hain…

============================

Are utho…

Ye koi soney ka waqt hai?

Jab dekho sotey rehte ho?

Kya sari zindagi so so ke bitani hai?

Aur haan jaag jao to shor mat karna

Mein so raha hoon..

========================

Purani Kahawat hai ke,

Sonay ke time Tension ko saath le ker nahi sona chaiye.

Lekin phir bhi Log pata nahi kiu??

Apni Biwi ko apne saath le ker sotay hein.???

==========================

Ab Bush k bad Obama
zara sambhal k qadam rakhna iraq me obama
Bush ko pare hai jooty Tere tou utar denge pajama :-)

===========================

4 kam karo

1. Mobile switch off kro

2. Battery kholo

3. Sim nikalo

4. Mobile ko road pai dai maro

Jb koi msg hi nhi karna tou mobile
ki kya zarorat.

==========================

Plz mujhy 1 mis call do yahan light nhi hai

or mujhy mere cell mil nhi raha
.

.

.

Send it 2 ur frndz n check how intelligent dey r?

==========================

Girl’s college me strike thi,
Boys bhi unke saath the,
Ladkiyon ne naara lagaya.
“Hamaari Maange”
pichhe se awaaz aayi
“Sindhoor se bharo

=========================

Aik memon samander mein doob gaya,
Us ne dua ki YA ALLAH mujhe nikal de,
Me teri raah mein aik Chawal ki degh doon ga.

Aik lehar ne is ko bahar nikal diya,
Bahar aa kar bola: Konsi Degh?
Foran aik lehar aayi aur is ko wapas le gayi.

Memon bola: YA ALLAH mein ne to poocha tha Chicken Ya Beef?

=======================

Meri Prem kahani ka ajeeb ending tha

Wah Wah

Meri Prem kahani ka ajeeb ending tha

Izhar-e-Mohabat Sms se kiya tha,

Jo un ki Shaadi tak bhi Pending tha….!

Wah Wah

========================

Urdu bhi kaisi ajeeb zaban hai…!

Agar watch kharab ho jaye tou kehte hain k
“Band Hai…”

OR

Agar larki kharab ho tou kehte hain k

“Chalu Hai..”

=========================

Kal polio k qatray pilanay ka akhiri din hai
Is liaye aap bhi chalay jana
Q
K
.

.

.

.

Ap ki b teesri taang choti reh gai hai :-)

==========================

Arz kya hai

SmS doston ko itna kya k jeet gaye sms ki race,
Mobile bhi unka pareshan ho k kehna laga,
?

?

?

?

?

NO SPACE
.
.

No SPACE

==========================

Pashto Funny SMS - Jokes

Bega nast woma khafa da yaar kosa ki
Yar raowato da kora pa gussa ki
Che ye sa pa khwala ratla haga ye owe
Der ye oratalam khpala darwaza ki
Bia ye owe che ta rog ka lewany ye
Ma we rog insane na garze pa shpa ki
De we da kho nema shpa tora tiara da
Ma wey khwan kawi dedan da yar tyara ki
De we pagala zan ba pa cha mar ke
Ma we khwand kri zankadan da yar kosa ki

1 Saray da kor na ra owato, Khazi pe pa sandal guzar oko
.
Bahar walar kasano oledo, nu o ye way:
.
"Da bal sandal hum ra guzar ki che dwana ogandama"

1st Saray: Pa kor ki sirf zama Hukam chalegi, Che za owem che garmi oba rawre
nu bas hagu Garmi oba rawre
.
2nd Saray: Garmi Oba wali??
.
1st Saray: Pa garmi obo lokhi kha pakegi kana

Mashom plar ta: Daji mala motor wakhla che garzama pa ki
.
Plar: Wale da khpay de da sa da para di?
.
Mashom: 1 khapa da Break da para aw bala da Accelator da para

Sahil par larki owr larka baithy howe tay
Larki nai larkay se pocha: Tum kuch boltay kion nahi??
.
Larka ne sharmay howe ungli se rait par lekha: Mari Naswar mi acholi di

Megay: Ta do so kalo ye?
Hathi: 3 kalo
Hathi: Aw ta da so kalo?
Megay: 10 kalo
Hathi: Da dono dero kalo ye aw dona waroky wajood?
Megay: Ror de rojo kharab karay de

1 salay pa sarak rawan wo
da yo gaday landay ye spay oledo
.
Spay da gaday na rakago aw waye way : Rawoza dalla "Ta dase MECHANIC ragaly ye"

1 kor kara gal rala, aw har sa ye ra gwand kra
pa akhira ki 1 janamaz wo haga ye hum ra wagesto
.
Da kor bodia khaza owe: Da kho rata pregda, mong ba pe moz kawo
.
Gal: waly za darta musalman na khkarama so?
 

1 Podari da chat na khkta raprewato
.
khalak te gair chapair ragond sho
khalko te tapos oko: Sechal osho rora
.
Podari: Pata neshta yaar mong pakhpala was ralo :)

Mashom: Moro zama da paida kedo na makhke ta za ledaly woma?
.
Mor: Na
.
Mor: No zama da paida ke do na pa ta za sanga opejandama?

Mula pa KHUTBA ki wail
chi Prado khazo ta ma Gorey da de sara Nazar kamegi
1 Buda warta owail
Dala che pa mong de Chashmi wacholi no oss di Masala okra.

Mula: Nan saba pa CABLE dere kharaby channelay razi
.
.
1 saray: Na zamong pa TV kho der safa razi, jee tasu khpal taar check kai

1 Podari pa janaza ki olar wo no Ustaz awaz oko
"Emandaro Painsy ochati kai"
Lag saat pas ye bia awas oko
"Emandaro Painsy ochati kai"
Lag saat pas ye bia awaz oko
"Emandaro painsy ochati kai"
.
Podari da shata na awaz oko: Ustaji ka sawab pa ki der wi che nu chi partoog warta Obaso

1 saray da jawand na der tang wo, no way che
"Da de jwand na kho marg kha de"
.
Pa haga saat hum farishta rala aw wa ye way "za ta butlo la raluma"
.
Saray: Os saray gup hum na she laga wale !

Alak: Daji ka za pas shum nu mala ba sa akhly
.
Plar: Ka ta pass she no za ba tala 1 cyle wakhlam. aw ka Fail shwe nu tala ba 20 cycle
wakhlam
.
Alak: ka Fail shum nu 20 cycle wali?
Plar: Bia darla da cycle dukan achoma
 

1 kaliwal pa cenima ki film katalo
.
Pa film ke 1 sher pa manda manda ra rawan wo
.
Kaliwal owerodo aw sadar ye pa oga ko aw manda ye kra
khalko warta way, alaka ma takhta, da khu bas film de
.
Kaliwal: Da kho mata hum pata da che da film de, kho haga kho zanawar de haga ta sa pata da

Mujrim: Koshish oka che umar qaid washi kho che da marg saza na bach sham
Wakil: Ta fikar ma kawa
.
Da Case na pas
.
Mujrim: sanga chal washo
Wakil: Yar der pa grana me umar qaid pe wako gany judge kho reha(azad) kare way

1 Saray PCO ta nanawato aw jaib na ye mobile rawesto aw chata ye call oko, bia PCO na ra
owato
Cha te tapos oko: Che sta sara mobile wo no PCO ta sala tlay?
Saray: Yar mata me malgaray way che PCO na call kay no paisy lage lagi

Alak-1: Yaar che da nawar da shpe wali na razi?
.
Alak-2: Mara ka nawar da shpe ra ozi hum nu dona tyara wi sok ye sa wene

Maths Teacher: Mong 8 kailay pa 3 kasona barabar sanga taqseema wale sho?
.
Student: Che da de na Juice jor ko nu

Mareez: Doctor sahb che pa tol wajood ke pa kam zay gota gdam nu dar kawi
.
Doctor warla da tol wajood X-ray owesta, nu pata walageda che da 1 gotay adoki ye mat dy

Teacher: che kam saray his sa hum na awre, haga ta ba pa English ki sa wayo?
.
Student: Haga ta sa hum wele sho, haga ye kam awre!!
 

1 saray beze (bakriyan) pati ta botley
nu bas saray te tapos oko: Da beze charta bozey?
Saray (pa gusa ki): Da school ta bozama
Haga bal saray: Mara gup ma lagawa nan khu Etwaar day !

Saray: Doctor Sahb pa Plastic Surgery ba so na kharch rachi?
.
Doctor: 2 Laakh
.
Saray: aw ka Plastic mong khpal rawro nu?

1 saray pa balti ki oba wray
Baran rakhky sho aw da baran saski pa balti ki oleda
.
Saray: o yaar tolay oba rana lamday shwe

1 alak pa 1 college ki MBA dakhilay da para FORM daka walo
Pa gate ki chowkidar na ye tapos wako: Mama da sanga college
.
Chowkidar: der behtareen college de, ma pakhpal da de college na MBA kare da

Father: Bacho Parcha de sanga wakra
.
Son: Hago pa parcha dase sawalona kare wo che pa haga za na pohedama, ma warla dase jawabona
warkare de che pa hagay ba Inshallah hago na pohegi

Sawal: Haga kama Khabara da che student ba da nan na zar kala makhke hum kawala, os ye hum
kayi, aw da qayamata pore ba ye kayi
.
Jawab: Bas yaar da saba na ba Study shuro koma

Father to Son: Da de khwata kor genie ta ogora pa class ki "First" ragale da,
.
Son: Hage ta ba me katala zaka kho fail shoma !

Father: Zweyia hes khabara na da, bas sta pa qismat ke ba ye Fail kedal lekali wo
.
Son: Aw kana da kha da che tol kaal me kar na de karay gany tol mehnat ba me pa obo waray wo

Father: Bachiya pa Maths ke wali Fail shwe?
.
Mashom: Abbu Ustaz 1 wraz wayi che 6+4=10
bala wraz wayi che 8+2=10
bala wraz wayi che 5+5=10
Haga pe pakhpala na pohegi no ma ba sa Pass ki !!

Funny Poetry
Zama da meney transformer ba akhir oswazegi
.
janana ta che da raqeeb kor ta kunday achawe

Father to Son: Bachiya mala 1 glass oba rawra
.
Son: na Daji za nasham
.
2nd son: Daji da der be-adaba de warsha pakhla rawala

Saleem: Yaar zamong ustaz wayi che sok da meekhee (bhains) paye ske no da haga dimag der
taizigi
.
Shahid: Gup lagayi mara, ka dase way no os ba zamong katay Doctor wo

1 Tota 3 zubanien bol sakta tha, English, Urdu, Pastho
1 Admi ne chek karne ke lie ek sawal teeno zubano mao pocha
.
Admi: who are you?
Tota: I am Parrot
.
Admi: Tum kon ho?
Tota: Mai tota hon
.
Admi: ta sok ye?
Tota: Za sta da khazi mairha yama. shal zala kho mi darta owe che toti yama

Doctor to Charsi: Ciggrette Noshi Insan ko ahista ahista mar daiti hai
.
Charsi: No teek da ka naika zamonga kama tadi da

 

 

 

urdu Jokes

Teacher: Tum late kion aye ho?
Student: Ammi Abbu lar rahy thay eslie
Teacher:Wo lar rahay thay tu tum kion late aye
Student: Mera ek joota ammi ke pas tha owr ek abbu ke pas

Boy 1: Larkion ko "I love you" bolny ki sab se achi jagah konsi hai?
Boy 2: Daata Darbar
Boy 1: Kion ??
.
Boy 2: Kionky wahan larkiyon ne chapal nahi pehni hoti

Doctor owr Allah ko khabi naraz mat karna
Kionke jab Allah naraz hota hai, tu wo Doctor ke pas bhej daita hai
Owr jab Doctor naraz hota hai, tu wo Allah ke pas bhej daita hai

Ek admi ne zindagi se tang aa kar kaha
"Es zindagi se tu Mout achi hai"
.
Ek dam farishta aya owr bola ke "mai tumhy lainy ayah on"
.
Admi bola: Lo ab insaan mazak bhi nai kar sakta

Husband to wife: Did you have any boyfriend before our marriage?
Wife remained silent for some time…
Husband: mai es khamoshi ko kia samjhon??
Wife: Abhy gin ne tu dey..:)

Larki apni Dadi se: Main school nahi jawongi. Rasty main larkay chairty hain
.
DADI:Bahany mat banawo, mai bhi usi raste se roz bazar jati hon, Mujhe to koi nahi chairta

Shadi k Dosre Din Baiti apni maa Se: Aaj mairi Unse Larayi Hogayi
.
Maa: Baita Shadi mai Jhagry tu Hotay Rehty hain, koi baat nahi
.
Baiti: Wo tu Theek hai Par Ab Laash ka kia karain?

Larki ek Baba Jee se: Baba jee mere lie dua Karen ke meri shadi kesi samajdar admi se hojaye
.
Baba Jee: Ghar chali ja baiti, Samajdar admi khabi shadi nahi karta

Girl: Doctor sahib mairy boyfriend ko andar bhula lejeye
.
Doctor: Trust me mai shareef admi ho….
.
Girl: Nahi Doctor Sahib, apki nurse bahir akeli hai, owr maira boyfriend shareef nahi hai

Doctor: Bachy ko pani dainy se pahle ubaal lia karain
.
Sardar: Wo tu teekh hai lekin Ubaalny se Bacha mar tu nahi jayega??

Hindi Super Jokes

मनोविज्ञान के प्रौफेसर किताब पढ़ रहे थे..

प्रौफेसर (पत्नी से): शीला इस किताब में लिखा है कि कभी कभी पिता की अक्लमंदी उसके बेटे की राह में रुकावट बन सकती है.
पत्नी : चलो फिर तो इस लिहाज़ से हमें अपने बेटे के लिए चिंता करने की जरूरत नहीं!


एक अमीर स्त्री दूकान में आई और चीज़ें निकाल निकाल कर सेल्जमैन को परेशान कर दिया. फिर बोलीं, "तुम अपने मालिक को बुलाओ, शायद उनमें कुछ अक्ल हो."

सेल्जमैन : "वे बहुत अक्लमंद हैं मैडम.. तभी तो आपको अन्दर आता देख कर वे खिसक लिए थे"


For latest jokes Go to Home Page

एक बार एक धर्मगुरु टी.वी. पर 'FTV' चैनल देख रहे थे।
एक आदमी बोला, "आप भी?"
धर्मगुरु: मेरा यकीन मानों, मैं नफ़रत की निगाहों से देख रहा हूँ।



नशा गहरा हो जाए तो तबियत बेतहाशा सच बोलने पर उतारू हो जाती है। इसलिए घर पहुंच के बीबी से बातचीत करने से बचें।


9 -11 हमलों के बाद, अमेरिका के राष्ट्रपति बुश को..

चीन के विदेश विभाग से फोन: हमें बहुत दुःख है. इस हमले में आपकी बहुत सारे गोपनीय दस्तावेज भी नष्ट हो गये होंगे. लेकिन चिंता की को बात नहीं. हम हैं न. आप बस लिस्ट भिजवा दें. हम वैसे के वैसे उपलब्ध करवा देंगे.

मियां मुशर्रफ का फोन: हमें आपको हुई जान-माल की भारी बर्बादी का बेहद रंजो-गम है..
बुश (चौंक कर) : क्या बकवास कर रहे हो.. कैसी जान-माल की बर्बादी? यहाँ तो सब ठीक ठाक है..

.. दरअसल मियां मुशरफ ने 'टाइमजोन' की गफलत के चलते हादसे से पहले ही फोन घुमा दिया था :)



लड़का:- कल मैने तुम्हारे घर गया था. लगता है हमारी शादी नही होगी!
लड़की:- क्यूँ? पापा से मिले थे क्या?
लड़का:- नही, तुम्हारी बहन से मिला था!!


मालिक:- तुम बाथरूम में क्यू घुस आए, क्या तुम्हे पता नही था की मैं नहा रहा हूँ?
नौकर:- हज़ूर ग़लती हो गयी, में समझा था मालकिन हैं


एक ग़रीब आदमी बोला: – ऐसी जिंदगी से तो मौत अच्छी!
अचानक यमदूत आया और बोला: – तुम्हारी जान लेने आया हूँ.
आदमी बोला: – लो अब ग़रीब आदमी मज़ाक भी नही कर सकता?


Girl to Baba-If I kiss a boy to kya hoga?
Baba- Narak mein jaogi sidhe?
Girl-Acha agar ap ko kiss karun toh?
Baba-Chalak ladki swarg mein jana chahti hai!

(Characters count:156 )


Teacher: Ek story suao with moral.
Santa: maine usko phone kiya, wo so rahi thi.. Usne mujhko phone kiya, main so raha tha.. moral.. jaisi karni waisi bharni!!

(Characters count:156 )


Beta: Papa, mami aaj bohut khamosh hai.
Funny Papa: Kutch nahi beta, tumhari mami ne lipstick mangi thi, meine Fevistick de di. That's all... No chip chip, no chik chik !!


Naakhun khane ki aadat chhudane ke liye ek ladke to yog guru Baba Ramdeve ke paas bheja gaya. Waapis aane par kisi ne poochha, "Kuch farak pada?"

"Ji haan", ladka bola, "Ab main pairon ke naakhun bhi aasani se kha sakta hoon."


Banta gusse me janwaron ki dukan par pahuncha. "Ye kaisi billi hai, ye to chuho se darti hai. Tumne kaha tha ki yah Chuhon ke liye achhi hai", Banta bola.
"Maine theek kaha tha. Yah chuhon ke liye achhi hai", dukandar ne shanti se jawab diya.


Q: What is differance between Aadami & Aurat?
A: Aurat ek hi aadami se bahut sari ummeed karti hai.
Aur aadami bahut sari aurato se ek hi ummeed karta hai..


Ek aadmi ka beta bizli ke bulb par apne papa ka naam likh raha tha.
Aadmi: Beta, ye kya kar rahe ho?
Beta: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.


Boy: Bache Kese Hote Hyn?
Gal: Chup!
boy: Batao Na Plz
gal: Nahi Pata
boy: Plz!!!
gal: Thappar Pare Ga Ab Mat Pchna ..!!
boy: Aray Bewakoof Itna Bhi Nahi Pata
.
.
.
.
.
.
Bachay Shararti Hote Hyn..
Moral:
Gal Hamesha Boys Ko Ghalat Hi Samajhti Hyn ;)

(Characters count: 250)


1 Lrki Fouj Mn Bharti hui.
Friend Ne Pucha K Job Kesi Lagi?
Lrki:Bs Yar Sara Din”Yes Sir,Yes Sir”
or
Sari raat”Bs sir, Bs sir” Kehte Guzrti Hai.

(Characters count: 147)


Boy;pandit ji, kya ladki ke sath sona paap hai?
Pt;beta, baat paap punya ki nahi hai.
Dikkat ye hai ki tum log sote nahi ho..

(Characters count: 126)

Hindi Funny Jokes

Santa: Achhi aur Buri biwi mein kya farq hai?
Banta: Kya matlab? Biwiyaan achhi bhi hoti hai kya?

(Characters count:97)



B4 shaadi: maine pyar kiya
1st Yr: pyar ke side effects
2nd Yr: Pyar ka panchname
3rd Yr: Maine pyar kyu kiya
4th Yr: Pyar tune kya kiya
5th Yr: Luv ka the End

(Characters count:160)


Train mai aik husband apni wife say:
tujh say shadi ker k pachta raha hun
dil kerta hai tujhey kuttay k agay dal dun
samnay wala passenger:wao wao wao wao!!!…

(Characters count:159 )




Kal raat ko party mei mene 1 ladki ki izzat ko bacchaya ;)

..

Other Boy:
Waah Bhai .!!! Par kaise ???

.....

1st Boy :
Self Control Bhai .. SELF CONTROL :D


Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha ha ha!
Police: Kyu hass rahe ho?
Sardar: Main toh subah 8 baje tak sota hoon!

(Characters count: 138)


Maalik: Tum bathroom mein kyu ghus aaye, Kya tumhe pata nahi tha ki mein naha raha hoon?
Naukar: Hazur galti ho gayi, mein samjha tha begum sahiba hai.

(Characters count:152 )


Sunil ne usse rok kar poocha: Arre bhai esa kyu kar rahe ho,
kyu nanga bhag rahe ho, tumhe sharam nahi aati?
Anil: Kyu ki aaj tum jaldi ghar aagaye, Issi liye.

(Characters count:160 )


Ek police Inspector ke ghar chori ho rahi thi.
Wife: Utho ji, ghar mein chori ho rahi hai.
Police Inspector: Mujhe sone de, main iss time duty par nahi hoon.

(Characters count:158 )


chaand ko tod doonga
suraj ko fod doonga
agar tu haan kah de
to pahali wali ko chhod doonga.

(Characters count:92 )


Ladki ka baap : Main nahi chahata ki meri ladki apni poori zindagi ek gadhe ke saath guzaare.
Ladki ka Boyfriend : Bus isiliye to main usse shaadi kar ke yahan se le jaana chahata hoon.

(Characters count:186 )


Kanjoos boss 2 worker:
Tumne is saal mehnat se kaam kia hai, is liye 5000 ka bonus cheque de raha hoon.
Agar isi tarha kaam karoge to agle saal is pe sign bhi kar dunga.

(Characters count:170 )


Ek pathan apne kandhe pe bandar baitha ke ja raha tha.
Paas ek bande ne puchha ye kaun sa janwar ha?
Bandar bola PATHAN.

(Characters count:120 )


Santa: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Banta: Suicide karne ke liye
Santa: To phir ubalne ki kya zaroorat hai?
Banta: Kahin infection na ho jaaye.

(Characters count:148 )


Maths teacher to santa,if u had 1000Rs
in ur pocket and 1000Rs in d other pocket,
wat would u think ?
Santa: YEH PANT KIS KI HAI.

(Characters count:130 )


Ek sharabi sky ki taraf ishara kar ke dusre sharabi se bola: Ye suraj hai ya chaand.
Dusra sharabi: Pata nahi bhai, main bhi is shehar me naya hun.

(Characters count:148 )


Rat Bhar Ayi Nhi, Or Hum Hila Hila Kr Yu Hi So Gye,
Jo Hila Rhe The Woh Pankha Tha, Jo Ayi Nhi Wo Bijli Thi,
Abe Salo Kbi To Acha Samja Kro Dirty Mind

Hindi Desi SMS Jokes

Aaj Ka Mahaan Vichaar:

Kisi ki taraf itni jaldi dosti ka haath na badao!!

Kyunki kuch log...

"Toilet" se aakar haath nahi dhote..

(Characters count: 132)



Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gae ho
Husband: Tum bhi to kitni moti ho gai ho
Wife: Mai to maa banne wali hu
Husband: Mai b to baap banne wala hu

(Characters count: 140)


Andheri sadak Sunsaan kabristaan.
Sooni haveli, kala Aasmaan,
Raat ho gayi, So-ja Shaitan /!\
Good Night!!

(Characters count:108 )


Hum Pagal Apke Picche
Aap Pagal Kisi Or K Picche
Koi Or Pagal Hamare Picche
Wo B Pagal Kisi Or K Picche
Hahaha
Saare Pagal Aage Picche…

(Characters count: 136)


Woh zindagi hi kya jisme mohabbat nahi,
Woh mohabat hi kya jisme yaadein nahi,
Woh yaadein hi kya jisme tum nahi,
Aur woh tum hi kya jiske saath hum nahi

(Characters count: 153)


Ek ladki thi diwani si, sunder si lambi si,
Nazrein jhukake sharmake galion se guzra karti thi
latak matak chalti thi, aur kaha karti thi,
Bartan Lelo Bartan……

(Characters count: 159)


Khush rahe tu sada yeh dua hai meri
Teri premika hi ban jaaye bhabhi teri

(Characters count: 75)


Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai,
aaj nahin aaya,
kaha na kabhi kabhi aata hai

(Characters count: 75)


kabhi hausla bhi azma lena chahiye,
Bure waqt me muskura lena chahiye,
Agar 7ve din bhi khujli na mite to 8ve din naha lena chahiye..!!!

(Characters count:137 )


Jab tum angrai lete ho to
hamara dum nikal jata hai,
Ai zaalim, Ai kaatil deodrant
lagane me tumhara kya jata hai!!

(Characters count:118 )


Do Dilo Ki Mohabbat Se Jalte H Log.
Tarah - Tarah Ki Baate Karte He Log.
Jab Chand Aur Suraj Ka Hota He Khulkar Milan.
To Use Bhi Grahan Kehete H Log

(Characters count:150 )


Kaali ghata chayi hai,
Aaj fir biwi se maar khayi hai.
Kehti hai sudhar jao. Par meri galti nahi,
Baju wali aaj Mini Skirt mai aayi hai..

(Characters count:138 )


Hame malum hai k aap hame bhul nahi sakte,
Lekin pas b hamare aa nahi sakte,
yahan tak aa rahi hai tere BADAN ki BADBU,
Kya Tum NAHA NAHI SAKTE?? :roll: :lol: :lol:

(Characters count:164 )


Rok do mere JANAZE ko JALIMO... Mujhme jaan aa gayi hai,Peeche mudke dekho KAMEENO.... SHARAB ki dukan aa gayi hai. !! CHEERS ....!! Marna Cancel.

(Characters count: 147)


Santa Banta ne Hindi ka home work nahi kiya tha. Hindi teacher ne unko ped par ulta latakne ki saza di.
Thodi der latakne ke baad Santa neeche gir gaya.
Hindi Teacher: Thak gaye kya?
Funny Santa: Nahi pakk gaya !

(Characters count: 216)


Girlfriend to Santa: Me tum se tabi shaadi karungi jab tum koi sahsi kaam kar ke dikhaoge.
Santa: Tum se shaadi karne se jyada sahsi kaam aur kya ho sakta hai?

(Characters count: 161)


Ladki ek aisi paheli hai, kabhi teri to kabhi meri saheli hai.
Kharcha karo to bole “darling, how are you?”. Na karo to bole “brother, who are you?”

(Characters count: 149)


Bhikhari: Sahib ik rupaiya de do.
Sahib: Kal anna.
Bhikhari: Iss kal kal ke chakkar mein iss colony mein mere lakhon rupaiye fasse hue hai!

(Characters count: 142)


Hum hum hain, tum tum ho
Na hum kam hain
Na tum kam ho
To kis bat ka gam hai
SMS bhejte raho,
Tabhi tu lage ga k mobile wale mein dam hai.