URDU Sexy Jokes

Definition of Biwi:

Biwi vo hoti hai jo shaadi ke baad apne pati ki sari aadto ko badal deti hai aur fir kehti hai.. "aap pehle jaise nahi rahe".
 
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Guy Searches on the Google..
“Free Dinner in 5 star hotel”
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.
.
.
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On the top of GOOGLE search it shows:
“Mungeri Lal ke Haseen Sapne”
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Yeh desi biwia apne pati ko A.G kyon bolti hai?
Biwia sabhya hoti hai, bhare bazar mein Abe Gadhe (A.G) kehna dirty lagta na, iss liye A.G bol ke kaam chala leti hain.


Manager: Sorry, mein aap ko koi job nahi de sakta. Mere pas tum ko dene ke liye koi kaam nahi hai.
Santa: Oh sir ji, aap chinta na karo, bas mere ko job de do. Mein aap se kaam dene ke liye kabhi nahi kahunga.


Desi Hindi Boy: Mein tumare sath shaadi nahi kar sakta. Ghar wale nahi maan rahe.
Desi Hindi Girl: Tumhare ghar mein kon kon hai.
Desi Hindi Boy: Ek biwi aur 2 bachhe.


Bachha: Papa ek glass pani dena
Dad: Apne aap le lo
Kid: Nahi aap de do pleez.
Dad: Agar dubara mere se pani manga to 2 thapad marunga.
Kid: Papa, jab thapad marne aaoge to pani lete aana.. Papa paani dena.


Sardar ko sapne me ek ladki ne chappal mari,
2 din tak sardar apne bank nahi gaya,
Qnki bank me likha tha
“Hum aapke sapne ko hakikat me badalte hain”

(Characters count:151


Ek chor amir lok ke ghar mein chori karne gaya. Trunk pe likha tha “Trunk ko todne ki jaroorat nahi hai, 156 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao, trunk khul jayegi. Jaise hi batan daba alarm baja aur police aa gayi.”
Jate jate chor us lok se bola: Aaj mera insaaniyat se vishwas uth gaya hai!

(Characters count:305)



Rubel gora tha. Jab uska ladka paida hua toh woh kala tha.
Tab Rubel apne patni ke paas jata hai aur pucha hai, “Yaar main bhi gora tha tum bhi gori thi to bachcha kaise kala paida ho gaya?”
Aur pher uski bibi ne jawab diya, Darling mein vi Hot tum vi hot sayad “Bachcha Jal gaya hoga.”

(Characters count:287 )


BANTA Ne HAJAMAT Ki Dukan Kholi..
Santa SHAVE Karane Aya.
Banta:- Muchh Rakhni Hai
SAnta-Ha
Banta(Mucch Kaat Ke)-Le Rakh Le, Jahan Rakhni Hai.

(Characters count: 144)


Boy to friend: Dekho voh ladki meri taraf dekh ke muskura rahi hai.
Friend: Yeh to kutch bhi nahi, jab maine pehli bar tumari shakal dekhi thi to 3 din apni hassi nahi rok paya tha.

(Characters count: 182)


Principal: If any boy is found in or around girl's hostel, he will be fined Rs 300 for first time, Rs 500 for second time & Rs 800 for third time.
Student: How much will you charge for monthly pass, sir ?

(Characters count: 206)


A sardar learning English introduces his family in the party:

Hi! I am sardar,
This is my sardarni,
He is my kid,
and…. she is my kidney.

(Characters count: 139)


1Baccha Paida Hote Hi Nurse s Bola-MOBILE h Kya?
Nurse:-Hai Par Tu Kya Karega
Baccha: Bas GOD Ko Ek CALL Karni H Ki Mai Pahuch Gaya hu. Meri Wali ko Bhej Do

(Characters count: 157)


Teacher: Late kyo aaye ho?
Santa: Mumy papa lad rhe the
Techr: wo lad rhe the to tum kyo late aaye?
santa: mera 1 juta maumy k pass or Dusra papa k paas tha!

(Characters count: 158)


Ek 10 saal ka bachha dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: “Kids ka paalan poshan kaise kare”.
Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.
Kid: Main yeh dekh raha tha ke mera paalan poshan theek tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.

(Characters count: 229)


Sardar ki Beti hui.
Biwi: suno ji jb ye bari hogi tou Larke ise tung krn ge.
Sardar: Me ne is problem ka solution dhondh lia he hm iska nam "BAJI" rakhn ge;-)

(Characters count: 159)


Santa tum Is office Mein kUb se kam kr rahe hO ?
BaNtA : Jub se BoSs ne MuJhe nOkRi sE
nIkalne kI dhamkI dI hA ...;->

(Characters count: 117)


Aik Pagal (hath mai cigarette chupa kr):
batao mere hath mai kia hai?
dosara pagal: rail gari...
1st:Tumhe kaise pata chala?
2nd:maine dhuwan niklte dekha...

(Characters count: 158)


boss:pichle 6 mahino mein tumne kitni chhutiya li hai.
kabhi bimari,to kabhi honeymoon,
bacheki bimari.ab kya hai?
karamchari:kal meri shaadi hai.

(Characters count: 148)


Chemistry Ki class mein teacher ne aik larki se pocha:
What is “Nitrate” ?
Larki sharma k boli:
Sir,
Rs.1500/=

(Characters count: 111)


Maine kaha "Dil Ruba"
Usne kaha balance bhijwa..
Maine kaha "Paise Nahi"
usne kaha "Kaise nahi"..
Maine kaha "Mehangai Hai"
Usne kaha "Ja aaj se tu mera bhai hain." :"-)

(Characters count: 163)


Teacher : usne khudkhushi kar li,
use khudkhushi karni padi,
farak batao ?
Student : pehla padha likha berojgar tha,
dusra shadi-suda tha.. !

(Characters count: 145)


Saas: Khuda ne tumhe do aankhe di hai, Chawal se
patthar nahi nikal sakti kya?
Bahu: Khuda ne tumhe battis daant diye hai do
char 2-4 patthar nahi chabba sakti kya!!!

(Characters count: 167)


Ek doctor apne dost se,
yar main soch rha hoon ki yahan clinic khol loon
dost: yar tumhara khyal to acha hai magar yahaan ka qabristan chota hai

(Characters count: 143)


Anath Ashram worker kanjoos se:
Sethji, aap hamare anath ashram ke liye kya kar sakte hain?
Kanjoos: Mein anath ashram mein apne 4 bachhe bhej sakta hu.

(Characters count: 153)


Mom: Why R U pregnant?
Daughter: This is our project in college about “Miracle of Life”
Mom: Tell me who is he?
Daughter:I dont know, it was a group project.

(Characters count:156 )


Ek bus mein ladko aur ladkiyo ki team bani antakshari khelne ke liye.
Girls: Hum tumko harakar dikhayenge..
Boys: Hum haar gaye, chalo ab dikhao.

Sexy Urdu Jokes

Ladka Ladki Hindi Joke 
Moti ladki bade mein du ladka bat kar rahi hai 

1st ladka:Uski weight key hoga? 

2nd ladka: uski ek pas ki weight jodi 24 kg, to uski dono ki weight 48 kg, plus karo skeletan ki weight. 
I Love You Hindi Joke 
Ladka ek ladki se offer kart waqt 

Ladka: I love you. 

Ladki: kayse ab soch lia class four ki ek ladki khali hai. 
Ladka Ladki Joke 
Ek ladka ko kuch log nangto kia aur uski land ke picture akaye aur bola jao 

Uha ek ladki betha hai uski kach se attested karke le ao. 

Ladka gaya:pls attested ki dijie. 

Ladki: maine original copy ke bina attested nahi karungi. 
Ladka Ladki Hindi Jokes are funny Hindi Jokes about boys and girls giving timing replies.
Comedy Hindi Joke 
Ladki ki baba: to tum meri jamai hona chahte ho? 

Ladka: thik aysa nahi hai. Ye chara meri aur koi rasta nahi tha,iss lyee.
 
Funny and Hilarious Hindi Joke 
Ladka:maine tumhare boyfriend banna chahta hu,tumhara koi apatti hai? 

Ladki:are keyaa bolti ho. Tum to bohot funny ho.iss liee tum mere bohot assa friend ho. Mere boyfriend Sakib ye sunega to bohot moja payega. 
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Ladki ke bap:Nargis tum laut aao,tumhare maa bahut bemar hai. 

Ladke ki pati:Nargis tum kabhi nahi laut aana,tumko le ane par baba ki ye chal hai.
Funny Guru Jokes 
Ladka: wo sab samay uski cousin ke saath miste hai. 

Guru: aap uske doubt karte hai? 

Ladka: hu maine karti hu. 

Guru: toh thik kia, cousin ke sath milna to doubt ki hi baat hai. 



Ladki: wo ekdin mujhe uski flat pe jane ki kehta hai 

Guru: keya aap raji  ho gaya? 

Ladki:ha, maine sahas kar ke gaya. 

Guru: toh thik kia,payar ki tan bol kar ek bat hay. 



Ladki: wo ekdin mujhe uski flat pe jane ki kehta hai 

Guru: keya aap raji  ho gaya? 

Ladki:koi prosno nahi ata 

Guru: thik, ajkal desh ki ja obostha. Iss tarah ki ladke ki koi biswas nahi hai
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High Class Insult . . .  Girl to Boy: Apne Baal to dekho jaise Ghass Ugi Ho.  Boy 2 girl: Isliye itni der se soch raha hu ke mere pass Bhes Q khadi Hai

 
 
Funny husband Wife Hindi Joke 
Patni:-sharab peen eke baad kya tumhe mera naam bhi yaad nahin rehta? 
Pati:-pee lene ke baad to main har gam bhool jata hoon,meri jaan. 

Nai nai car chalana sikhi biwi:aaj hum car se jaenge aur car main chalaungi. 
Pati:-kon nahin,jaenge car main aur aaenge akhbaar main. 


Pati patni College Joke 
     Patni – Collage ke bare me tumhara koi bura anubhav hai? 
    Pati – Han, Tumhari aur meri paheli mulakat college me he to hui thi. 


Pati patni Sms Joke 
Patni:- main tumse jo kuch bhi kahti hu tum ek kaan se sunkar doosre se nikaal dete ho. 
Pati:-aur main tumse kuch bhi kahta hu to tum dono kaan se sunkar muh se nikaal deti ho. 


Funny Pati patni Joke 
Pati:-main jeevan main aaj jo kuch bhi bana hoon,apne aap bana hoon. 
Patni:-lo, main aaj tak bekar hi bhagwaan ko kosti rahi. 


Pati patni Sms 
Patni:-kyon jab main moti hojaaungi,tab bhi tum mujhe aise hi pyaar karoge? 
Pati:-bilkul nahin, maine sirf such dukh main saath dene ka vaada kiya tha. 


Pati Patni Joke 
patni : suno ji, bus me aapko logo neitna kyon mara? 
pati : Are mera ek photo bus main ek aurt ke pair ke niche gir gaya tha aur mene kaha 
madam zara saree uper kijiye photo lena hai…. 
Hindi Joke about Husband Wife 
Pati:-aaj main sabha pati banunga. 
Patni:-khabardaar jo aap mere alawa kisi aur ke pati bane. 


Pati patni Hindi Joke 
pati: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan kahin chhupa kar rakh do, padosi aa rahe hain. 
patni: Kyonji ! kya Aapke dost chura lenge? 
pati: are Nahin, who apna saaman pehchaan lenge. 


Hindi Husband Wife Joke 
patni: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho. 
pati: Tum bhi to kitni moti ho gayi ho. 
patni: Main to maa banne wali hoon! 
pati: Main bhi to baap banne wala hoon 


Cute wife joke 
     patni: “Aapne pichle saal salgireh pe mujhe lohay ka bed diya tha, Iss baar aapka kya iraada hai?” 
pati: “Iss saal uss mein current chorne ka iraada hai.” 


Funny husband Wife Sms 
Patni: -suno ji,aapko mujhme kya achcha lagta hai. meri samajhdari ya meri beauty. 
pati: -mujhe to tumhari ye mazak karne ki aadat bahot pasand hai. 


Funny Cute wife sms Joke 
Pati :- main tumhare saath kuch bhi share kar sakta hu. 
Patni:-chalo phir bank account se start karte hain. 


Funny Wife Sms 
Pati:-mere mrne ke baad tumhe mere jaisa doosra aadmi nahin milega. 
Patni:- tumhe kisne keh diya, ki main doosra aadmi tumhare jaisa chahti hoon. 


Husbands joke on marriage 
Patni:- main tumhare bina mar jaaungi. 
Pati:-main bhi mar jaaunga. Itni khushi main bardasht nahin kar paaunga. 


Funny relationship Hindi Joke 
Patni:- main tumhare bina mar jaaungi. 
Pati:-main bhi mar jaaunga. Itni khushi main bardasht nahin kar paaunga. 


Husband wife joke 
Pati:-mani abhi saree ka fanda banakar faansi laga loonga. 
Patni:-kya gajab karte ho,nai saree hai. 


Funny teasing joke 
Pati:-jab bhi main is talwaar ko dekhta hoon to mujhe ladai per jaane ka mann karta hai. 
Patni:-to phir jaate kyon nahin? 
Pati:-phir unki tooti hui taang yaad aa jaati hai. 


Husband wife joke in Hindi 
Husband wife ki godi me leta hua tha, 
Wife – kesa lag raha he ji? 
Husband- jese visnu bhagwan shesnaag ki god me lete ho. 


Pati Patni Hindi Joke 
Ek makeup sacheton lady ne mritu kaal par uski pati se daka. 
Pati:bolo tumhara antim issa keya hai? 
Patni:mere marne ke bad meri sundar tasbir akhbar pe chapne par mere age math  likhna. 
Pati:kiun? 
Patni:kiun ki log ye jan jayega ke meine budhi ho gaya tha. 
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------------------------------ Marriage Joke Hindi 
Husband:  Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein pagal ho jaaunga.

Wife: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey na ? 

Husband:  Pagal ka kya hai, o kuch bhi kar sakta hai 
Cat and Wife Joke 
Santa banta  Se Puchha Ki-Tum agli  Janam Me Kya Ban’na chaho gi? 

banta-” A Billi” 
Why? 

Because  Meri Wife Sirf billi Se Hi Darti Hai 
Marriage Joke in Hindi 
kya larki thi... 
Shohar: Kal mere khuab main ek larki aai thi, 
Wah! kya larki thi. 

Bibi: Akeli he aai hogi? 

Shohar: Tumko kese pata: 

Bibi: Uska husband mere khuab main 
tha.  

Sexy urdu jokes, سیکسی لطیفے

ایک عورت کا شوہر روز رات کو گھر دیر سے آتا تھا۔ اور بیوی کے پوچھنے پر ادھر اُدھر کا بہانہ کر دیتا۔
ایک رات ٹھیک دو بجے اس کے بچے کی آنکھ کھلی تو وہ تقاضا کرنے لگا۔
امی کوئی کہانی سناؤ.امی کوئی کہانی سناؤ۔
بس تھوڑی دیر صبرکرو۔ تمہارے ابا آتے ہی ہوں گے وہ ہم دونوں کو کہانی سنائیں گے۔
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شوہر کے دوست سہاگ رات میں پہلے ہی سمجھات

شوہر کے دوست سہاگ رات میں پہلے ہی سمجھاتے ہوئے ۔ اگر پہلے دن بلی مار دو گے تو ساری زندگی بیوی دبی رھے گی ڈر کر رھے گی۔ ساتھ ہی کمرے میں بلی بھی چھوڑ دی
شوہر نے پہلی بار بلی کو غصے سے ڈانٹ ڈپٹ کر باہر نکالا ۔ تاکہ بیوی پر رعب پڑ جائے۔ دوستوں نے پھر واپس بھیج دی روشن دان سے
اب شوہر نے تکیہ اٹھا کر بلی کو دے مارا اور دوبارہ کمرے کے باہر پھینک آیا اور بیگم سے بولا۔ دیکھو یہ میرا مزاج ھے۔ میں کسی کو خود کو تنگ کرنے نہیں دیتا
اپنے سامنے آواز اٹھانے نہیں دیتا۔ میری مرضی چلتی ھے ہر جگہ
دوستون نے تیسری بار بلی پھر اندر ڈال دی کہ مارنی تو تھی
اب کی بار بیوی نے اپنا پرس کھولا پسٹل نکالا اور بلی کو گولی مار کر بولی۔آپ تو صرف پروگرام بناتے رہیں گے میں تو ایسے چپ کراتی ہوں اپنے سامنے بولنے والوں کو
.....
Santa – Yaar Banta tune poore toilet me potty kyu kar di?
Banta – Yaar ye mobile bhi na!
Santa – Kya hua?
Banta – Tune “IDEA” ka ad nahi dekha
“WALK when u TALK”
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Boyz Mentality :-
Ye jo aag dim me lagi hai zamane me laga dunga,
.
..
…
Uski doli jo uthi,
to
Koi baat nahi smart hoon dusri pata loonga…;)
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Colgate se daant saaf karne ka,
Pepsodent se majboot karne ka,
Babool se fresh karne ka..
Agar fir bhi safed nahi huye to..
Bindass HARPIC use karne ka..
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Santa : Mom kya aapne mujhe paida hone se pehle dekha tha?
Mom : Nahi to beta!
Santa : To phir paida hone ke baad aapne mujhe pehchana kaise??
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Hindi Jokes 
Teacher: OXFORD matlab kya hai? 
Student: OX matlab bail, FORD matlab Gaadi. to OXFORD matlab bail gaadi 


Teacher: raju, tum kis liye college aate ho? 
Student: vidya ke khaatir 
Teacher: toh ab so kyu rahe ho? 
Student: aaj vidya nahi aayi hai sir 


Pati: mere marne ke baad, kyaa tum doosri shaadi karogi? 
Patni: nahi. main apni behan ki saath rahungi. aap? 
Pati: main bhi tumhaare behan ke saath rahunga 


1st wife: tumhaara sharaabi pati roz peekar ghar aata hai na. tum poochti kyu nahi ho. 
2nd wife: main poochi thi. lekin unhone mujhe diyaa nahi. 


Doctor: aap dariye mat. main hoo na. 
Patient: wahi mera sabse bada dar hai doctor. 


Patient: Doctor, yeh mera pehla operation hai. thoda dhyaan se karna. 
Doctor: dara mat. yeh mera bhi pehla operation hai 

Doctor: is dawaa ko ek hafte main poora karo aur baad main aake milo. 
Patient: teek hai doctor 
(ek hafte ke baad) 
Doctor: dawaa khatam huaa kya? 
Patient: nahi doctor. 
Doctor: kyu nahi? 
Patient: usme likhaa thaa ke, bottle ko hamesha bandh rakhe 
Funny Hindi Jokes 
1st beggar: arey, tum kyu us cinema poster ko aise gur rahe ho? 
2nd beggar: main hee is cinema ka producer hoo 


Beggar: 10 rupaiya dedo saab. girlfriend ko phone karni hai. 
Saab ka girlfriend: dekho, bhikaari bhi apni girlfriend ko kitna pyar karta hai. 
Beggar: nahi memsaab, use pyar karne ke baad hee main bhikaari ban gayaa 


Maalik: arey, tune 500 saal puraani ghadi thod dee hai. 
naukar: bach gaya saab, main to samjha yeh nayaa hai 


Ramu: Sir, mere ghar mein TV chodke baaki sabki chori hogayi hai? 
Police: chor ne sirf TV kisliye chodaa hoga? 
Ramu: mujhe kya pataa sir? main us samay TV mein serial dekh rahaa thaa 
Jokes in Hindi 
Autowaala: sorry sir, meter daalna bhool gaya. 
santa: problem nahi hai. main bhi apna purse bhool aaya. chodo 


Car chalaataa huaa Santa ko road mein "ACCIDENT ZONE" ka board dikhaa. isliye santa ne sochaa: 
"Yeh log accident zone mein kyu road banaate hai?" 


Ek kadvaa sach :-) 
Behan ki friend behan ho sakti hai, 
Bhai ka friend Bhai ho sakta hai, 
lekin wife ka friend wife nahi ban sakti 


suma: maa, raju ne mujhe kiss de diyaa 
maa: haan kya? rukho main poochti hoo. 
suma: nahi maa. tum poochoge to woh nahi degaa 


Paagal 1: main Taj Mahal ko kareedh loonga 
Paagal 2: main use abhi bhech nahi rahaa hoo 


Customer: yeh kya offer hai? TV liya to 10 kerchief free!!! 
Salesman: TV serials dekhne ke baad aapki aansoo ponchne ke liye 


Boy: kal maine tumhaare ghar gaya tha. lagta hai hamaari shaadi nahi hogi. 
girl: kyu? pappa se mile the kya? 
Boy: nahi, tumhaare behan se milaa tha 


Manager: hamaare bank mein hum aapko binaa interest ke loan denge. 
customer: arey, jab dena hai to thoda haste haste dona. agar dene mein interest nahi hai, to mat do 
Doctor Patient Hindi Jokes 
Doctor: aapko isse pehle kabhi heart attack hua thaa kya? 
Patient: haa doctor, bichle baar jab aap bill diye the 

Nurse: udhaas kyu baite ho sir? 
Doctor: dopahar jiska operation kiya tha, woh mar gaya. 
Nurse: arey woh to post mortem tha. 
Doctor: to main subah kiska post mortem kiyaa tha 


Patient: Doctor, kya aapko yakeen hai ke mujhe cancer hai. kyunki ek baar kisi doctor ne 

cancer ka ilaaj karte the aur patient TB se mar gaya. 
Doctor: gabraao nahi... agar main ilaaj karungaa to tum sirf cancer se hi maroge. 

Doctor: sharaab peena haanikaarak hai. is vichaar main mujhe aapse baath karni hai. 
Patient: theek hai doctor. sham ko moonlight bar mein milenge.


Doctor: aapke pati ko zyaada rest ki zaroorat hai. yeh sleeping tablets leejiye. 
Wife: unko yeh kab dena hai doctor? 
Doctor: yeh unke liye nahi, aapke liye hai :-) 

Doctor: dekhiye, yeh bimaari khaandaani hai. aapke daadaaji se shuru hui hai. 
Patient: bach gaya!!! tab aap yeh operation mere daadaaji ko hee keejiye. 

Patient: Doctor, meri beti ko aajkal kuch sunaayi nahi deti hai 
Doctor: kya? tumhe 5 din se bukhaar hai aur tum abhi aa rahe ho! 

Wife: doctor ji, mere pati neend mein baat karna shuru kardiye hai. kya karu? 
Doctor: din mein unko baat karne kaa mouka deejiye. 


Doctor: roz hotel mein khaane se hee aapko ulcer hui hai? 
Patient: to aaj se mein ghar ko parcel leke jaaunga 


Patient: doctor, mujhe 3 mahine se khaasi hai. 
Doctor: itne din kyu chup the? 
Patient: chup kaun tha doctor. main to khaas rahaa tha. 


Doctor: operation ke baad ab sab teek hai. tum sab kuch sun sakte ho. 
Patient: aapne kuch bola kya? 


Doctor: aap dariye mat. main hoo na. 
Patient: aap rahenge. lekin main rahoonga kya? 

Doctor: tum abhi 2 ganto main mar jaanewaale ho. kya tumhaara koi aakhri khwaaish hai? 
Patient: Haanji, ek achche doctor ko consult karna hai 
Hilarious Jokes in Hindi 
Public to Santa: us rowdy ke vajah se hum pareshaan hai. use haamare area se bhagaane ka koi tareeka bataao? 
Santa: aasaan hai, use election mein khadaa karke MLA banaa do. agle 5 saal tak woh tumhaare area ki taraf nahi aayega. 


Ramu: tum kaunsi soap use karte ho? 
Banta: Main Santa Soap, Santa Paste aur Santa Shampoo use karta hoo 
Ramu: wo kya international brand hai kya? 
Banta: nahi, santa mera room mate hai. 


Santa: tumhaara beta bilkul tumhaara jaisa hi dikhtaa hai. 
Banta: dheere se bol... woh padosi ka beta hai 

Santa: agar electricity nahi hota to kya hota? 
Banta: raat mein candle light mein TV dekhna padta tha 


Driver: Poora petrol khatam ho gayi hai. ab aage nahi bad sakte. 
Santa: teek hai, gaadi reverse lo aur ghar vaapas chalo 


Santa: Tumhe kyu arrest kiya gayaa hai? 
banta: maine 50 rupaye ka chillar diya. isliye. 
santa: usme kya galti hai? 
banta: maine chillar mein do 25 rupaye ka note diyaa tha :-) 


Santa: "impossible" shabd mere dictionary mein nahi hai 
Banta: arey yaar, ab bataake kyaa faayda. dictionary lete samay check karlenaa thaa na 


Examiner santa se: yeh kya hai? tumne khaali paper kyu diye ho? 
Santa: kyunki neatness ke liye 5 marks hai, isliye 


Santa: maine apni shaadi kaa aamantran patra bejaa thaa na? kyu nahi aaya? 
Banta: lekin mujhe koi patra nahi milaa 
Santa: arey yaar, maine usme likha thaa na. patra nahi milaa to bhi, zaroor aanv_slotnames=4554554676&correlator=1305102239677&frm=0&adk=565320629&ga_vid=113900284.1301131612&ga_sid=1305102240&ga_hid=1476994523&ga_fc=1&u_tz=330&u_his=29&u_java=1&u_h=600&u_w=800&u_ah=570&u_aw=800&u_cd=32&u_nplug=12&u_nmime=55&biw=1127&bih=698&eid=33895150&ref=http%3A%2F%2Ffunnyjokesinhindi.jimdo.com%2F&fu=0&ifi=2&dtd=14&xpc=sSTpX0OckN&p=http%3A//www36.jimdo.com" style="left: 0; position: absolute; top: 0;" width="160"><ins style="display: inline-table; border: none; height: 600px; margin: 0; padding: 0; position: relative; visibility: visible; width: 160px;"><ins style="display: inline-table; border: none; height: 600px; margin: 0; padding: 0; position: relative; visibility: visible; width: 160px;"/></ins> .
Santa: bhaisaab, yahaa se mumbai kitna door hai? 
Vyakti: 400 km. 
Santa: baap re, mujhe aaj hi vaapas lautnaa hai. mumbai se yahaa tak kitnaa door hai? 
Pati: isiliye usae swarg kehete hai :-) 

1st Man: shaadi ke baad main lakhpati ban gaya. 
2nd Man: use kyu itnaa udhaas bol rahe ho? 
1st Man: usse pehle mein crorepati tha 


Pati: aaj sunday hai aur aish karna. movie ke liye 3 ticket laayaa hoon. 
Patni: teen kyu? 
Pati: tumhe aur tumhaare maata pitaa ke liye. 


Patni: agar main mar jaaungi, to aap royenge kya? 
Pati: ab kya has rahaa hoo kya? 


Patni: dekhoji, hamaare shantabai ki pati, usko khush rakhne ke liye, har hafte movie pe le jaate hai. aap kyu nahi karte ho aise? 
Pati: arey, maine bhi shantabai ko movie ke liye bulaaya. lekin usne manaa kardi. isme meri kya galti hai? 
Husband and Wife Hindi Jokes 
Wife: jab aap chashma utaarte ho, bahut handsome dikte ho. 
Husband: haa dear, jab main chashma utaarta hoo, tum bhi bahut khoobsoorat dikti ho 


Wife: suniye, hum is hafte poora cinema dekhenge, agle hafte poora shopping karenge. 
Husband: uske baad ke hafte poora mandir jaayenge 
Wife: kyu? 
Husband: bheek maangne ke liye 


Husband: agar operation mein mujhe kuch hua to tum us doctor se hi shaadi kar lena. 
Wife: aise kyu bol rahe ho? 
Husband: usse badla lene ka doosra tareeka nahi hai. 

Wife: aji, koi peeche mere pair choo rahaa hai. 
Husband: peeche mud ke apna chehra dikha, woh choonaa bandh kar dega 


Wife: aapse milne doctorji aaye hai 
Husband: mujhe bukhaar hai. unhe kal aane ke liye bolo 

Husband: tum khaana bahut achchi banaati ho 
Wife: tum jitna bhi maska lagaao, khaana tumhe hee banaanaa padega 
School Jokes in Hindi 
Teacher: agar shabd pradooshan kam karna hai to kya karna hai? 
Student: hamaare kaan bandh kar leni hai. 

Teacher: varthamaan, bhoot aur bhavishyat kaal ke udhaaharan do 
Student: Madam, kal maine aapki beti ko dekha, aaj main usse pyar kar rahaa hoo aur kal usse shaadi karungaa. 
Teacher Student School Hindi Jokes 
Principal: class ko der kyu pahunche? 
Student: sir, gaadi puncture ho gaya tha 
Principal: to tumhe bus mein aana tha 
Student: socha tha sir, lekin aapki beti sunti hi nahi ha 


Anpad baap: jaise bhi ho, 4 saal ka apna padaai pooraa kardiye. aage kya karoge? 
Beta: ji, arrears naam ka ek course hai, use pooraa karna hai. 


Teacher: tumhaare aur harish ka answers ek jaise hai. woh kaise? 
Student: kyunki question ek hi tha na masterji, isliye :-) 


Teacher: Tumhaara Maa kaa naam kya hai? 
LKG student: Mummy 


Teacher: 5 mark lekar bhi tum has kyu rahe ho? 
Student: main yeh soch raha hoo ke woh 5 marks kaise mila :-)


Teacher: agar aise hee padte rahoge, zindagi mein kuch nahi banoge. 
Student: jab zindagi mein kuch nahi banunga, tab main bhi ek teacher ban jaaunga sir. 


Teacher: jisko kaan sunaayi nahi deta hai, aap use kya bulaate hai? 
Santa: kuch bhi bulaa sakte hai. kyunki use sunaayi nahi detaa hai na. 


Teacher: duniya ke sabse puraana praani kaunsi hai? 
Student: zebra hai sir 
Teacher: kaise: 
Student: kyunki, woh black and white hai na 


Teacher: tumhaara homework kyu tumhaare pitaa ke handwriting main hai? 
Student: maine unka pen use kiyaa thaa sir 


Teacher: bachcho, agar man se praarthanaa kare to bhagwan aapki kwaaish poora karenge. 
Student: woh sab jhoot hai sir. 
Teacher: kyu? 
Student: agar woh sach hota to, ab tak aap doosre school chale jaate 


Teacher: jeene ke liye Oxygen zaroori hai. ise 1773 mein aavishkaar kiye. 
Pappu: baap re bach gaya!! agar usse pehle paida hota to main mar jaata 


Teacher: Akbar kaun tha? 
Student: pata nahi sir. 
Teacher: padaai ke taraf dyaan do, pataa chalegaa 
Student: Aap battayiye. Suresh kaun hai? 
Teacher: pata nahi. 
Student: apni beti ki taraf dyaan dijiye, pata chalega. 


Teacher: 4+3=7 aur 5+4=9, ab tum bataao 45+5 kitna hua? 
Student: Kya sir? aasaan sawaalo ka jaavaab aap de diye aur mushkil savaal mujhse kar rahe ho 
Jokes in Hindi 
Santa: main shaadi karke khush rahna chaahtaa hoo. 
Banta: arey yaar, mazaak mat karo. hasne ki mood nahi hai. 


Santa apne bete ko: is baar agar exam mein fail huaa, to mujhe pitaji mat bulaana. 
kuch din ke baad, 
Santa: result ka kya hua? 
Santa ka beta: sorry santa 


Santa: main england jaane ke baare mein soch rahaa hoon. 
Banta: bahut paise kharch hoga na. 
Santa: nahi banta, sochne ke liye paise kyu? 


Santa aur banta ko 500 ka ek note milaa. 
Santa: hum ise 50-50 karlenge 
Banta: baaki 400 kaa kya karoge? 


Santa: kahaa gayaa thaa yaar? 
Banta: girlfriend ke saath movie dekhne 
Santa: kitna kharchaa huaa? 
Banta: 500 Rs 
Santa: itnaa huaa kya? 
Banta: kya karu? uske paas itnaa hee thaa yaar 



Santa: kelaa kitna hai? 
Dukaanwala: 1 Rupay 
Santa: 60 paise mein doge kya? 
Dukaanwala: itne me to sirf kele kaa chilkaa hi milegaa 
Santa: to 40 paise leke sirf kelaa dedo 


Santa: padosi se hatouda maang leke aanaa zara 
Banta: maangaa thaa, lekin nahi diye 
Santa: log bahut laalchi bangaye hai. chalo, hamaara hatouda leke aao jaldi 


Santa: police ne tumhe kyu arrest kiya? 
Banta: maine purse se paise nikhaal ke kharchaa kar diyaa thaa
Santa: baap re!! is liye bhi arrest karte hai kya? 
Banta: purse kisi aur kaa thaa yaar 
..........................................................


Passenger:tumne mere jeb me haath kyu dala?
Santa: muje machis chahi thi
Passenger: tum muz se maag shakte the
Santa: mei ajnabi se baat nahi karta
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message

Girl: na chhod ladki ko paap hoga,
Kal tu bhi kisi bacchi ka baap hoga.
Boy: khuda kare teri baat sachchi ho,
Jo mujhe baap kahe woh teri bachchi ho.
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message

Autowala to bunty : sahab, 100 rupaye ho gaye.
Santa ne 50 rupaye autowale ko de diye.
Autowala : sahab ye to gundagardi hai, meter ki hisab se 100 rupaye hue hai.
Bunty : tu bhi to baithkar aaya hai, tera kiraya bhi kya mujhe dena parega!!!
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message

Ye jo ladkiyo ke baal hote hai,
Ladko ko fasaane ke jaal hote hai,
Khoon choos leti hai ladko ka saara,
Tabhi to inke hoth laal hote hai.
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message

Wife to husband:uttho raat ke 2 baje he,
Husband to wife:itni raat ko q uthaya
Wife to husband:aapne neend ki goli nahi li .
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message

Allama iqbal farmatay hain…
Ooper se sab dekh raha hon faraz ka haal iqbal,
Acha hi hua k mene koi asan shair nahi banaya
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message

Teacher pathan se: batao allama iqbal kaha peda huwe or unhone kaha taleem hasil ki?
Pathan : wo hospital men peda huwe or school men taleem hasil ki, ;-)
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message

Young and sexy girl goes to doctor with mom.
Girl - checkup krana hai.
Doctor - sare kapde utar ke wawhan let jao.
Girl - mera nahi, mummy ka krawna hai.
Doctor - mataji jeebh dikhao. :-)
~ Jokes SM
Santa:ek achi news hai or ek bad news
Banta:achi news
Santa:meri patni ka accident ho gaya
Banta:or bad news
Santa: wo ek sapna tha
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message

Tourist - is fort me koi bhoot he kya?
Guide - me yaha itne saalo se kaam kar raha hoon,
Aaj tak nahi dekha,
Tourist - kitne saal hue?
Guide - 300 saal......
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message

Boy-mai shadi nahi karunga
Dad-kyu?
Boy-q ki gaon wale meri mangetar ko taxi kehte hai
Dad-are beta karle..
Chota sa to gaon h
Kitni chali hogi
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message

Beta papa se: papa main itna bada kab ho jaunga ki mummy se bina poochey ghar se bahar ja sakoo.
Papa thandi saans lete hue: beta, itna bada toh abhi main bhi nahi hua hoon.
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message

Wife:jab me gana gati
Hu to ap balcony me
Kyu chale jateho
Husbnd:taki muhalle
Wale ye na smjhe ki mai
Tumhara gala daba rha hu
~ Hindi Jokes SMS Text Message

Kitne % bhartiyon ko lgta hy k salman khan
Katrina kaif se shadi krega?
Ans:10%
Bcoz
Rest of the 90% wnts to marry katrina kaif themself